The California Barrel Company
After Berkeley Bill Bolagard defeats his arch enemy, Thomas Gideon, and finds the benevolent Woman of the Star at the core of this once malevolent computer, he and Monica get married and move into their old cottage in Berkeley where they both enjoy reading her father’s books in peace and quiet.
Then, one morning, while reading the newspaper, Bill’s peace of mind is disturbed when he reads an article about a developer who is on a mission to scrub the bay area waterfront of all things that are old. The bay that Jack London came to adore, will be no more. Furthermore, this developer has formed a company, AA, Adam’s Abbreviation, that is condensing all literature, as well as movies, into a three minute read-view on a new smart phone called RIB. Rapid Intelligence Benefits.
This developer claims young people can receive all the benefits readers have enjoyed for a thousand years while riding BART, or, while flying to Europe to take in the sights of a foreign land without leaving the airport. The Happy Tourists are hooked up to Tour Simulators. One can take in all the sights in a few hours.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at the airport. I just got back from Europe! I had a ball!”
“Lucky you. I spent the weekend reading the complete works of Shakespeare for my college thesis.”
“You were always the smart one in the family.”
Bill heard Monica emerge from her bath.
“Monica, listen to this! I think I discovered a artificial lifeform that is fed artificial intelligence via a cellphone. Folks are becoming as smart as can be, but, there is no test! Everyone is agreeing not to be tested! What will they think of next?”
“How much do they charge per agreement?” Monica asked.
Bill cringed. Monica was always the smarter one. Pluss, she had been married to Thomas for twenty-two years, the greatest scam-artist of all time. She knew all his tricks.
“Let’s see. The Adam’s Apple App charges $5 dollars a Trip-Read.”
“That beats paying for a college tuition!”
Bill’s mathematical mind did some rapid calculations.
“If 20,000,000 million suckers bought ten degrees of quick&smart permission a month, that’s…………..?”
“Bill! Leave it alone! Haven’t your done enough for humanity?”
to be continued
Humboldt Cooperage Company
The Terrible Demise Of Young George Blank – September 3, 2011
From the Arcata Union:
Aug. 19, 1911
Tuesday morning at six minutes past 10 o’clock, George Blank, a young man who had been employed at the Cooperage plant in Arcata in different capacities for nearly five years, met with a shocking accident by being caught in a belt running on the main shaft, and was literally torn to pieces in a very few seconds, parts of his body being thrown in all directions about the mill…
While there was no one who actually witnessed the accident, the theory seems to prevail among the employees of the plant that Blank had slipped the belt on to the wire machine and then stepped along the platform to the drive shaft, which was connected directly with the engine and making 270 revolutions per minute, said shaft being almost on the same level as the top of the wire machine.
He then took his left hand and attempted to slip the collar beneath the belt, and instantly had his hand drawn between the belt and the drive shaft, with the result that his body was beaten and battered to pieces against the second-story floor. The unusual noise overheard attracted the attention of several of the men, and the engine was stopped in short order, and the sight that met the gaze of those men about the mill caused many strong men to quietly leave the scene. The left arm was still wrapped around the shaft, which was all that was found at that point…
George Blank was born in Trinidad on Oct. 18th, 1890, and had nearly attained his majority when death ended his career.
Turner Took French Leave
Clarence Turner, the Eureka young man who was found guilty on Aug. 11th for exceeding the speed limit on his motor bike, or motor cycle, as the law insists they shall be called, failed to put in an appearance Saturday morning to receive his sentence. After waiting a reasonable time for the convicted man to come before him, Judge Beers declared the $40 bail bond forfeited, and the case is closed, at least for the present… Turner would undoubtedly have been fined $50 or $60 if he had stayed to receive the sentence, and he evidently thought it would be rather a bright thing to do to give up his position at the Reed & Reed Garage and leave the county on his motor bike in the night, than to stay and take his medicine.
As there has been considerable criticism of the action of the town board in keeping the speed limit for autos and motor cycles at 10 miles per hour, and yet tacitly allowing a limit of 15 miles, according to their instructions to the Marshal, mention might be called to the fact that there were three auto owners on the jury who found Turner guilty by a unanimous vote…
It is a pretty well established fact that [Turner’s attorney Henry L.] Ford know that Turner had left the county the night before, and that he was probably speeding through Mendocino County when the time for the pronouncing sentence arrived.