The Baboons of YHWH

Victoria Bond tried to follow Miriam’s line of reasoning for having to fly to Africa and dispatch the two Texans in order to stop them from killing more baboons. This was made nearly impossible because Miriam was being very cautious not to take the Lord’s Name in vain. Also, she would not stop saying all Texans are “Shit-heads”

“Not all Texans are shitheads. My cousin is a Texan.” Victoria said in a logical manner, forgetting not but an hour ago Miriam had to be darted with a tranquilizer gun when she went ape-shit after seeing Barf Cavanaugh posing with the baboons he killed. She was screeching, her mouth agape in utter disbelief and rage. Now she is pounding on the desk!

“ALL Texans are shit-heads! Everyone of them. If Khrushchev defeated the United States he was going to empty Texas of shit-heads – and salt the earth!”

“O.K. Calm down. Have it your way!”

Victoria had to hit the red button, but refused to dart her friend when one coward after another refused to pull the trigger. Luckily the dart gun went off by accident. Now she wondered if she was sanctioning State Lunacy.

“Bud and Barf must – DIE! They must be stopped before they kill the TETRAGRAMATION!”

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s the name YHWH. They Y is Yod the Father. H is the Son of the Father. W is the Wife of Yod. And H is the daughter. This is why I freaked. I thought Barf and Bud had killed GOD!”

All of a sudden, Victoria is seeing Charleton Heston dropping to his knees and cursing. Her mind is reeling. It appears a movie called Planet of the Apes has come – true? Is that the word the head of BAD was looking for.

“Why would God…….”


“Why would, Yod, manifest Himself as a family of baboons?”

Ask and thou shall receive. Victoria suddenly understood what Miriam was saying as she looked at the photo of Barf on the desk.

“Oh my – Yod! That’s the Pieta! This is the wife, and this is…………….?”

“The daughter!” Starfish said hiding the quaking in her voice.

Victoria watched Miriam catch the one tear that rolled down her cheek, and disappear it. Reaching into her drawer she pulled out a rubber stamp and rolled it across the pad of red ink. With much conviction she stamped BAD across Barf’s chest. Starfish let out a long breath of air, and snatched the photo off the desk. Ms. Nattidue held out her ticket to Africa, so certain was she that Tarzarena, as she called Miriam, was going to get her way. She understood Miriam had a good reason for taking the lives of fellow primates, via her grasp of the Torah and Kabballah. In other words, she got her instructions directly from……………..YOD!

At 50,000 feet above the Atlantic, Miriam Starfish slipped into the bathroom, and girded her loins. She marveled at how calm her hands were as she tied the sacred knots in her loin cloth. Coming back into the cabin she ran into the stewardess who was shocked to see her passenger in seat 24A, transformed. She started to invoke a rule or two, then heard;

“I have gird up my loins!”

Miriam studied the eyes of the stewardess, who broke out in a beautiful smile, and gently put her hand on Starfishes naked shoulder.

“I understand!”

On her way back to her seat, Miriam turned and asked;

“Where are you from?”

“Why, I’m from, Texas! Why do you ask?”

John Presco 007

Copyright 2018

gird one’s loins

Also, gird up one’s loins. Prepare oneself for action, as in I’m girding up my loins for that crucial interview. This expression comes from the Bible (Proverbs 31:17) and originally alluded to tucking up the traditional long robe into a girdle (that is, a belt) so it will not hamper physical activity. [c. 1600]


This is four Hebrew letters (Yod, He, Waw and He) called the “Tetragrammaton”. The four characters are the four Hebrew letters that correspond to YHWH and are transliterated IAUE or Yahweh. Yahweh is the name of the Almighty Father in Heaven that people commonly call “The LORD” or “God”. The reason we see “LORD” and “God” in our bibles is because of a Jewish tradition that the name Yahweh was not to be spoken for fear that the name be blasphemed. However, the scriptures declare that His name should be exalted (e.g. Ps 68:4) and the third commandment forbids this practice. The Preface of some bibles will admit why they change His name. Nearly all will cite tradition and familiarity as the reason. This, I believe is wrong. Sometimes people pronounce the tetragrammaton as “Jehovah”. But Jehovah could never be the right pronunciation. On this web site, the name of Yahweh is used in reference to the Heavenly Father because in the scriptures we are told to praise, exalt, bless, love, teach, preach, anoint, assemble, believe, give thanks, honor and call on His name.

The Tetragrammaton has been found in the 2000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls and in ancient copies of the Septuagint!

The tetragrammaton (/ˌtɛtrəˈɡræmətɒn/; from Greek Τετραγράμματον, meaning “[consisting of] four letters”), יהוהin Hebrew and YHWH in Latin script, is the four-letter biblical name of the God of Israel.[1][2] The books of the Torah and the rest of the Hebrew Bible (with the exception of Esther, and Song of Songs) contain this Hebrew name. Religiously observant Jews and those who follow Talmudic Jewish traditions do not pronounce יהוה, nor do they read aloud transliterated forms such as Yahweh; instead the word is substituted with a different term, whether used to address or to refer to the God of Israel. Common substitutions for Hebrew forms are hakadosh baruch hu (“The Holy One, Blessed Be He”), Adonai (“The Lord”),[3] or HaShem (“The Name”).

State sponcored lunacy

The four letters of the Tetragrammaton form the root meaning “to be,” and some have understood the original meaning to be “He-Who-Is,” or “He who brings being into being.”

The origin of the taboo on pronouncing God’s name aloud — viewing this as irreverent or possibly even a violation of the commandment not to take God’s name in vain — is not entirely clear. However, some attribute it to a Temple practice in which only the High Priest was allowed to utter the name, and only when in the Temple and reciting the priestly blessing.

In the Mishnah (in Sanhedrin 10:1), as Rabbi Louis Jacobs notes in The Jewish Religion, the sage Abba Saul declares that one who pronounces the divine name with its letters (i.e. as it is spelled) has no share in the World to Come.

Some Jews and non-Jews have suggested that the name itself has magical power, an idea that Maimonides dismissed but that is embraced in some Kabbalistic (Jewish mystical) texts.

Miriam’s Wardrobe


The Royal Janitor

Serena watched Miriam walk towards her for their meeting. As far as she could tell, all her bodyguard wore was some kind of loin clothe – with sandals! Her long auburn hair covered her breasts.

“Please! Be seated. And stop staring down at me as if you are going to put me in a big pot and cook me! You’ve been given a nickname, you know……..Tarzarena! Some whisper this after you pass; “There goes Lady Greystoke” Have you seen a Tarzan movie?”

“No. I’ve only seen two movies, Ben Hur, and, PI.”

“Only two? PI? What is that about?”

“It’s about a Kabbalist mathematical genius who finds another dimension. My parents put it on our video machine every Saturday after firing up the generator. We watched Ben Hur every Easter. I can recite PI backwards. Want to hear?”

“No. Not right now. I am still in a daze. I think I spotted another Leprechaun at the frozen yogurt shop. Are they really National Treasures?”

“Yes! You can go to jail for ten years if you molest one.”

“Are there female Leprechauns?”


“Do you mind if I ask why you don’t wear a bra, or, a top of some kind? What is odd, you have never exposed a breast, or two. What is your secret?”

“You won’t freak out if I show you?”

“No! Lay it on me!”

Miriam leans forward in her chair, and tries to pull her hair away from her breast.

“Oh my God – What? What am I seeing! Holy fuck!”

“Isn’t that cool. My hair has a mind of its own and wraps around my breast to hold it firm. All women can do this if they grow their hair, and don’t wear a bra. My tits don’t sag a bit. Too bad you didn’t have the parents I had. We went back to Eden – almost. I own two dozen loincloths, because Jesus wore two styles. They are hung on hangers in my closet. I don’t have a panty and sock drawer. Which one do you like the best?”

“I’ve seen enough! No more. Don’t forget you have an appointment to see The Wizard tomorrow.”

Jon Presco

Copyright 2018

About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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1 Response to The Baboons of YHWH

  1. Reblogged this on Rosamond Press and commented:

    It is a great day to be authoring a James Bond book. Or is it? For a month I have been debating about publishing ‘For Our Eyes Only’ as a weekly serial that will be a Tell-A-Along. Who can keep up? Is there any mystery left for the fiction writer. The news that Barr and Pompeo are acting like the President’s sectret agents – is Bondish! Austrailia and the U.K. have been contacted. Does Giulliani seer himself as James Bond?

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