The Baboons of YHWH

It is a great day to be authoring a James Bond book. Or is it? For a month I have been debating about publishing ‘For Our Eyes Only’ as a weekly serial that will be a Tell-A-Along. Who can keep up? Is there any mystery left for the fiction writer? The news that Barr and Pompeo are acting like the President’s secret agents is Bondish – and surreal as all fuck! Australia and the U.K. have been contacted. Does Giuliani see himself as James Bond?

Here is an excellent article about Ian Fleming in America. My grandfather camped on the Channel Islands with Hammet and other Black Mask authors. Having friends from Britain gave me a peculiar look at my Country – through their eyes, eyes that have seen Leprechauns that could be creatures from Revelations, not unlike the kind that Ron Jeffress introduced today in his Holy Civil War threat!

Who saw this coming? Well, Miriam Starfish Christling, for one. What a brilliant character creation that allowed me to write about the fake morality, and fake immorality that has take control of the way we vote, and, is bent on destroying the two-party system, that will negate Democratic voting. My first chapter ‘Here’s Annie the Antichrist’ is a historic work, because, when I posted it on Lara Roozemond’s facebook – she freaked!

“Can you please remove it!” (Get it away from me! Eek!)

I want Lara to play Victoria Bond. Our days of Finality may be as an end! There will be no Justice. No one goes to jail, or before a firing squad. We must resign ourselves to being the way God made us…..a bunch of buffoons.  The only proof that we only a higher consciousness, is, we send spies to see what the other buffoons are up to. Who has a better understanding of this, then two beautiful and vain women who have managed to fall in love with a fellow human being. The lack of love in the baboons who surround our President, is appalling. For certain, they do not love their country, and are coercing other nations to un-feel like they do.

John Presco

Two splendid American writers, the great masters of the modern thriller, Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler. I was influenced by these writers, by their extremely good style and the breadth and ingeniousness of their stories.

There is some American detail. Of course, three or four of the books are set in and around America, and there’s a subsidiary hero, an American named Felix Leiter who’s with the CIA and later with a detective agency. But I do get into trouble with my Americanisms. People write in and say I’ve got things wrong here and there. Recently, in fact, I got an assistant librarian at Yale who passes on all my American scenes. I give him the book, and he very kindly goes through it and suggests where the American language could be improved. So I try to catch everything, but still —- well, it annoys me as much as it must annoy Americans to find America so clumsily depicted in English books.

No. I’ve only seen two movies, Ben Hur, and, PI.”

Only two? PI? What is that about?”

It’s about a Kabbalist mathematical genius who finds another dimension. My parents put it on our video machine every Saturday after firing up the generator. We watched Ben Hur every Easter. I can recite PI backwards. Want to hear?”

No. Not right now. I am still in a daze. I think I spotted another Leprechaun at the frozen yogurt shop. Are they really National Treasures?”

Yes! You can go to jail for ten years if you molest one.”

Are there female Leprechauns?”


I wrote myself into my movie script as a Sea

“Of course I want several walk-ons as the Wise Fisherman. My talking part is in a fancy London bar chatting up a fine looking babe with a net draped on me. Serena does a double take and keeps on talking. I will also be the Boat House Warden who keeps the Royal Speed Boats in tip-top shape. There will be a contest to spot me. When Serena stops for petrol, I saunter out wearing my net and cork floats.

“Filler er up, or, will you be drifting home on the tide?”

The first time she sees him (me) is late at night. Serena has stopped at a red light in her Jaguar, with the top down. At this hour they are usually flashing. She hears this rushing sound. Looking to her right, she sees a man in rain gear coming her way, leaning into the wind, with sheets of rain rolling off of him. Putting his hands to his mouth, he shouts

“Don’t panic Missy. I’ll go get my tugboat and pull you off rocks!”

Serena watches him walk away leaving a good sized puddle behind. She looks up, holds up the palms of her hand, and doesn’t feel a drop! She reaches for something in the ashtray and throws it into the puddle, where it glows for a little while, then, fizzles out. Serena peels rubber down the street.

Finally, I am The Merlin, who keeps lurking about.

“Look out for that one. He carries a crystal ball!”

It was ruled Sea Leprechauns were the Last Cape Horners, whose powerful will to live kept them alive after death, for a little while. And then, they fade away. This is why they are an endangered species prized by Evangelicals that believe in the Rapture.

Rosamond Press

Victoria Bond tried to follow Miriam’s line of reasoning for having to fly to Africa and dispatch the two Texans in order to stop them from killing more baboons. This was made nearly impossible because Miriam was being very cautious not to take the Lord’s Name in vain. Also, she would not stop saying all Texans are “Shit-heads”

“Not all Texans are shitheads. My cousin is a Texan.” Victoria said in a logical manner, forgetting not but an hour ago Miriam had to be darted with a tranquilizer gun when she went ape-shit after seeing Barf Cavanaugh posing with the baboons he killed. She was screeching, her mouth agape in utter disbelief and rage. Now she is pounding on the desk!

“ALL Texans are shit-heads! Everyone of them. If Khrushchev defeated the United States he was going to empty Texas of shit-heads – and salt the earth!”

“O.K. Calm down…

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About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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