The Plastic School of Clean Mechanical Evil

The Eugene Emeralds play the Yakima Bears at Civic Stadium in Eugene, Ore. Wednesday August 19,2009. Civic Stadium was built in 1938 and now is one of the oldest baseball parks still in use in America. The Emeralds will leave the old stadium to play at the University of Oregon's PK Park next season. AP Photo/The Register-Guard, Paul Carter.

The Eugene Emeralds play the Yakima Bears at Civic Stadium in Eugene, Ore. Wednesday August 19,2009. Civic Stadium was built in 1938 and now is one of the oldest baseball parks still in use in America. The Emeralds will leave the old stadium to play at the University of Oregon’s PK Park next season. AP Photo/The Register-Guard, Paul Carter.


Most Eugenius folks knew it was just a matter of time before the Plastic School Of Clean Mechanical Evil did its thing to Civic Stadium. The PSCME used fire this time to wipe clean something old, wooden, and cherished. Gone is our beloved Human Scale, our cozy Mom and Pops Goodness, our home away from home, our signature get-away that allowed us to plop our butts down on some old wood covered with twenty-two coats of grey-chipped paint, that failed to hide the deep timber wood interior we felt was there, and would always be there, and – now its gone.

What created that dark cloud of smoke was all the lead in that old paint. The people were warned this lead would come raining down on them, and it best not to breathe.

And here they come, from Orange County I suspect, the Clean Expensive Crew that hates everything that is old, and looks like it contains human sweat, and the petrified farts of old farts. They can’t wait to make everything look just like where they come from, the place most folks can’t go – because it is too expensive to be there. And, that’s the point. They don’t want us Old Timber Guys to think we got it made when we pay $6 bucks for something that could be had for $60 smackaroos. Then, you go to buy a cup, verses a cap of ice cream with the kids, and there go a $100 bucks down the drain. Here, have some Sticker Shock and Awe.

Look at the image of that dude sitting up high in the ball park, his wallet still overflowing with civic security because he’s not sitting on plastic and chrome. Note the glaring imperfections that are saving hin money. And he knows it!

Making Poor People feel even poorer is the Evil Republican Past Time. The burning down of Civic stadium is a reminder we little devils can’t balance the National Budget – to save our souls. Even the poor beggars in our streets have got in on the action, it not enough to hand them a metal coin, or dirty cash. They want their stuff handed to them by a slick group of providers, that traipse after them as they drink and vomit down the block.

“Can I interest you in a clean plastic porta-potty? How about a mini porta-house with wheels? Check it out, we have Half-jobs that are not really work, they are plastic faux jobs that allows you to dine for free in our swank diners for the wretched – delivered fresh from Orange County. I mean, we are almost giving you a complete life – for free! But let’s not go too far – lest people get the wrong impression.”

And how much are John and Jane Public going to have to pay for this cornucopia of eternal incompacitation, they not given a clue when these Hobos will be back on their feet?”

“Just keep it coming!” Says Big Red and Lil Belle from the Public Relations Firm of Deep Pockets of Pity. “We’ll tell you when to stop!”

For over a decade We the People have heard the pleas “Save this! Save that!” and we got it, that it was going to cost us money. So, did any of the selfish folks send someone some money? Apparently not. We saw the weeds grow high around our old-fashioned ball park, and at night they had a guy in a hoody going around smashing beer bottles, so that when the sun rose, we would be hit with flashing points of blight!

You just knew then he was paving the way for The Torch, the phantom that wipes the slate clean, so the new mechanical crap can be hauled up from Los Angeles and erected over night, before our complaints can reach the Mayor, who climbs up on stage exposing her white underwear to prove to us……she is still Human. But, what about us!

I tried to warn you Godzilla was coming to town. Did anyone listen!

No sooner did I tell Krysta about Belle and Anand, and I was backing out, then she got one of HER PEOPLE to evict me from the City of Eugene FB page. She had lured me down a dark Alley and hit me over the head with the Fake Sex Charges. I didn’t get any sex, but, someone got a shit load of funding!










When they saw my videos shot in Altan Baker Park where the Big Idea Jonny was giving my Big Ideas away for free, I had to be stopped. When Belle heard me giving my Bohemian cosmology away for free, she hung a price tag on My Dream to return everything to the Human Scale – and slash prices in half.

The true citizens of the Emerald Valley, know what is comng, what will replace Civic Stadium. It will cost $20 bucks just to look at it. Then, you get to the ticket window where you will be sexually abused as the vacuum hoses go for your wallet – and your Civic Balls. Once inside, you will sit down on fart-resistant seats with tiny holes in the bottom that whisk your nasty smell into giant tubes, so giant fans can blow them sky high. You will not spot any wood anywhere. Not as much as a wooden toothpick.

As the hot flames rose above the trees, you could hear the sad lament;

“We’re losing a huge chunk of our history here. And we will never get it back!”

Here are two of the posts I ran pasty Krysta Albert, who bid her Sterilized Board of Planners to – SNUB ME! She then sent her posse of Nurse Ratchets out to assassinate my character, too.

“Don’t listen to this un-medicated crazy man who is out to hurt the fair ladies of our town! Come, celebrate with me and Doctor Strange Love! Be groovy, or be square!”

Yeah…………right! This is another Bull Run, the running of the Suckers past the Parasites. Not one tie-dyed vender, or homeless performing clown, is on my side, or the side of history. Nothing is allowed to be authentic anymore, lest any kind of standard is set. To see a video of a faux artist laying out her art on an old blanket at the first FOE event, made me want to vomit. There is way too much art in the world. So, let it be known I turned Krysta into the Art Police.


Every dog has her day!

I am going t set up a site where citizens can tell each other on the internet how much THEY GAVE TO SAVE. They don’t have to use their full name, just initials, lest Alley Valkyrie and her Vicious She-things swoop down from Portland, and lay fowl smelling turds in your planter boxes.

“I SW gave $20 to a beggar, $10 to save Civic, $40 to OCCUPY.”

Time to cut out the Middleman! We can adopt a Bum, directly. As long as we don’t ask them to work, everything will be hunky-dory! However, maybe Anand Holtham Keathley could have organized a Homeless Folks Fire Patrol, who would be very willing to shoo away kids playing with matches in exchange for three meals a day? There’s going to be meeting at City Hall to decide whether all Fourth of July fireworks are going to be banned. It’s like Eugene is shutting down……dying!

What I miss the most about Civic Stadium were the young teenagers that came there with their beautiful dates – to show them off! Young men, who did not come from money, could afford $12 dollars, and owned some Civic Pride amongst The People. There was a Beauty Contest going on. Not one beauty was hunched over pecking at her cellphone with a gaggle of her girlfriends, while the boys pecked away in their group. These beautiful young women practiced good posture, and………..BEING SEEN!

No one looks at each other anymore. The PSCME closed that shit down. We now know there is a heavy fine for beholding beauty – DIRECTLY! You have to purchase a spendy I-Phone, pay for the use of it with your plastic credit card, then, make a pass at her.

“Hey, good-looken!  Are you behind the wheel of your car, yet. Text me when you are!”

There will be no game today. Big Brother Nurse is watching your – pocket book! What’s coming to replace Civic Stadium, is being hatched out by the Paranoid Planning Committee, who are afraid if they charge you what they want to charge you, no one will show, and profits are out the door. So, what is that exact price of admission going to be?

WE WILL BE PENALIZED FOR OUR LOSS. We old timers know this is a victory in the battle against dirty old men, hippies, and the poisoned pedagogy! It’s a clean woman’s world. They want everything fresh and new – and expensive! Down with cheap dates!  Women don’t want us men to have our beloved sanctuary were we can watch a MAN’S GAME!

It’s alllllllllllll gone! The only game left, is to spot Ken Kesey sitting in the bleachers of Civic Stadium – of yesteryear!

That’s it, my Sucker Booth. I’ll blow-up an old black and white photo of Civic and put it behind curtains. My sign will say “Spot Ken and win a Panda”. My mark will have fifteen seconds to point out Kesey, who will not be in the crowd, because no photo of him at Civic, exists. But – what the hey! It’s all in fun! After all, I am not a Sexual Predator!

I push a red button. The curtain opens, slowly, too slowly for my mark who has handed me $5 bucks.

“GO!” I shout. “Hurry! You have seven seconds left!”

“Mr. McMurphy. Your hand. It’s smearing my window!”

Jon Presco

Copyright 2015


hollisw2 hollisw3




About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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