The Great American Umbrage

The Royal Janitor


John Presco

Victoria Rosemond Bond was not a trained psychologist, nor did she major in psychology in college. Victoria never went to college. She had some training, administered by The Wizard, who claimed he owned several degrees, and had written a famous book about the Cold War Chess games that went on, but will not reveal his pen name, or the title of the book, lest it be used as a “Tell” a poker term. The Wizard watched allot of Texas Hold Em Poker because it was full of displays of FANCIFUL UMBRAGE – that was allowed. Real Umbrages – was not allowed.

“In our great world of communicating, it all comes down to filtered feeling of umbrage, the belief that we are surrounded by human beings inventing new ways to insult us, slight us. I experiment on Facebook to see how far I can go, before the person I am comminuting with realizes I am out to do real damage to their core being. This is the bi-product of real nuclear threats, and hellish guessing games as to when and why, your enemy will turn a cold war – into a HOT WAR! Millions of sane people – began to hate God. This state of being – had be the WORK OF GOD – an Evil God”

“Hate away! I don’t care!”

a feeling of pique or resentment at some often fancied slight or insult

Victoria began to study on her own, and had concluded church leaders formed think tanks in order to stop the hemorrhaging. Their flocks were dwindling. When the Iron Curtain fell, Christian leaders were want to find, or render – A NEW DEVIL! Democrats and the Civil Rights Movement were anointed, because, this party was not blessed by Jesus-God, like the Republican party, was. This is to say, Jesus-God gave His followers something extra in His brand of democracy that allowed them to prosper and read your enemies TELL! You have the sight. You are ordained to win every pot. Jesus is REAL AGAIN because He wants YOU TO BE A WINNER, and not your brother – who chose to be a Democrat-Loser. Prosperity Gospel – is born! The Benevolent God – IS BACK! Russians are now our Bosom Buddies – who also want to become millionaires! Democrats – want to take our money, and murder your unborn! They – hate God-Jesus! The Dems control a network of Evil Spies who work closely with the Internal Revenue Service – so the Chosen Ones will be poor – and afraid again!

“The object of Texas Hold’em is to take everyone’s money. This is NOT a Communist Game, where everyone gets a EQUAL AMMOUNT, and goes home with feelings of brotherly love – yet they are brothers who love each others – because they agreed to do unto others what they would do unto you. When you go to America, study the Christian-right, the Tea Party, and the Trumpites!”.

BAD, and other Spy Agencies all over the world, were intently taking in the Holy Poker Game going on between Representative Adam Schiff, and Cecil Wigglesworthy, who was being titled


Victoria was very interested in Rep. Schiff because he worked on the Intelligence Committee. He and other elected lawmakers decided who gets funded, who gets Great American Chips to play with in order to defeat your enemy – who is very PIQUED WITH YOU! Britain has a BIG STAKE in this game. Now, the Speaker of the House has thrown a monkey wrench into THE POT by refusing to demand Cecil resign. McCarthy is looking at his FUNDING PAGE on his phone. So are others. Why? Because they are instant ongoing poles – that represent SWING VOTES!

What Victoria began to see, is she has discovered The Wizard is really on to something. In America, there is a Mass Marketing Pole, where social medias is used TO TEST THE WATERS. For instance, should another James Bond movie be made, and if so – how do raise James – from the dead? This is A WAGER to test the hands of the other players. The goal is SEE how many millions of people will pay good money to buy a ticket at the theatre – so the producers leave the table with a


Swing Purchasers are like Swing Voters. The people who participate believe they are exercising Free Will, Free Rights, and Free Luck – from God! God-Jesus wants all His followers to feel lucky – and own Lucky Results! This is why the Republican President – DID NOT LOSE! The Devil of the Democrats – stole the election employing Secular Stealth, the Inteeligence Networks – and the FBI!

Victoria liked Adam, because he has nothing to hide. He owned superior logic in arriving at his Benevolent Overtness. He never – BLUFFS! He was chosen to do a job – and he did his job. He is good at what he does!

Not so with Representative Wigglesworth. No one knew who he really was. He borrowed the famous Wigglesworth name, and this family was – pissed. The question many have, was he employing SUB-ROSA so he could get real close to people, and – DO REAL DAMAGE! Some elected Republicans are refusing to work with him – lest he INFECT THEIR GAME OF LUCK! Was Cecil….


There is such a thing as a FAKE TELL. Victoria now hit upon the idea that Cecil – or whatever his name is – is a product of MODERN UMBRAGE! Is he like Bartholomew of the Thousand Hats, he developing many layers of – BLUFF – in order to hide from harm – his real self?. One of the newscasters suggested Cecil will not resign because he needs the money. It looks like he is acquiring a following. How many thousands of Republican’ Voter’s identify with Cecil, and are saying so on social media by contributing to his campaign? Will there be a – ALL IN – and END GAME?

Victoria’s brain was overflowing with possibilities as she swabbed her wife’s hands that were injured from swinging in trees while high on shrooms and edibles. Being part Russian, she overdid everything. Now she swabbed her wounded knees. She had taken a great fall, witnessed by her Wit Clan that had put glow-sticks all over the forest. In a panic they gathered a bunch of them together and huddled in terror, as Starfish was doing a great rendition of the Predetor.

As to Starfishes’ great confession, that she killed fifty-eight people, there was dmage control to be done that consisted of making real insistent witnesses a member of BAD, and giving them a secret number to call – incase there is an EMERGENCY!

“Of course when they find the guts to call, they hear this;”

“You have reached BAD central which is under attack. This number has to be closed down in order to protect our agents.”

Victoria picked up the Walther PPQ that Starfish cleverly concealed in her loincloth. She wished her job was so easy, where she could just fire off endless rounds at THE BAD GUY. She swore she would never touch a gun1 Suddenly….Starfish opened her eyes, and saw her Walther pointed at her forehead. The first thing that came to her mind, was, her husband had chosen to put her down for being the wildest thing on two legs. She had terrorized innocent peaceful human beings. Starfishes’ eyes got – real big! Victoria – SHREIKED! Inadvertently Victoria had PIQUED her wife’s sense of survival. Being a Civil War Buff, she looked for an incident that would cause a Second Civil War. The dismissal of Rep. Adam Schiff, went into her Civilly Piqued Pile.

Victoria screamed when Starfish put her wrist in a Bone Breaker grip! Then, it came to her. She had a epiphany. One of her favorite movies was Forbidden Planet. She had wondered if she had conjured Starfish up, and she was her….Monster of the Id. Victoria saw that the Mass Consumer Media Mind, mixed with Democratic Voter Poles, had created a National Monster of the Id – that was spreading all over the world. It could not help but DEGRADE and HUMILIATE US ALL.

Starfish put her nose between Victoria’s eyes.

“Cecil Wigglesworthy….is a Time Traveler. He came from – our future!”

Starfish – snapped out of it!

“What in the fuck are you talking about?”

“Cecil is….eluding his monster! He came here – to hide!”

to be continued

piqued; piquing

  1. to excite or arouse especially by a provocation, challenge, or rebuff pride
  2. to arouse anger or resentment in : irritate

tell in poker is a change in a player’s behavior or demeanor that is claimed by some to give clues to that player’s assessment of their hand. A player gains an advantage if they observe and understand the meaning of another player’s tell, particularly if the tell is unconscious and reliable. Sometimes a player may fake a tell, hoping to induce their opponents to make poor judgments in response to the false tell. More often, people try to avoid giving out a tell, by maintaining a poker face regardless of how strong or weak their hand is.

Stan Ridgway

Monsters of the id
No longer stayin’ hid
And terrors of the night
Are out in broad daylight
No need to knock on wood
Don’t stop to say a prayer
It won’t do any good
They’re multiplyin’ in the air
Creatures of the deep
Are going without sleep
And phantoms of the dark
Have their own place to park
No need to lock the door
They’re sprouting through the cracks
They’re making room for more
They’re deputizing maniacs
Prehistoric ghouls

Are making their own rules
And resurrected huns
Are passin’ out the guns
No need to cause a fuss
Don’t go and make a scene
They know what’s best for us
They’re fightin’ fire with gasoline
The creatures from the swamp
Rewrite their own Mein Kampf
Neanderthals amuck
Just tryin’ to make a buck
And goblins and their hags
Are out there wavin’ flags
Oh, when will we be rid
Of monsters of the id
Monsters of the id

Witch Trial In Salem Oregon

Posted on January 10, 2023 by Royal Rosamond Press

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About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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