The Bum’s Rush

Eugene’s City Councilperson is being given the Bum’s Rush. Going to her favorite resturant, she can not ignore the very charismatic woman raging with a Russian accent. Is this another street-crazy? Little did she know this was by far the craziest person that ever came inside her city limits. And now she was waving around a bottle of beer that got her very drunk, she on the verge of telling everyone;

“I have killed men! Plenty of men! I dispatched a case of men – to hell! You have no idea who you are fucking with!”

The Councilperson chortled to herself.

“Right! One beer, and she’s ready for a straight jacket”.

Raising her fork to her mouth, she sees Starfish whip her head and is looking dead at her.

“You have five seconds!”

The Council Lady ran out the door, and was tackled by the waiter for skipping out on her bill. This is how things go in Eugene, these days.

“Officers initially responded at 3:22 p.m. January 18 to investigate a report of a theft at the store, according to police.

Upon arrival, officers were told of a separate incident involving a man who had been in a verbal altercation at the shop and had thrown a beer down inside the store. There was no menacing at the time but later, additional victims called in to report Dwyer had a concealed handgun in a holster that he showed people and had threatened people on the street while intimidating them to stay away from the store,” according to the police report.

Dwyer spoke to reporter Kelsey Christensen on Tuesday.

He said he did not threaten anyone with a gun but admits his temper got the best of him.

Dwyer said he went into the store to buy an alcoholic beverage but threw it on the floor because a store employee was calling Dwyer’s girlfriend, who is transgender, a “she-male.”

John Von John walked past Councilperson, Emily Semple as she was being yanked to her feet by the arresting officer. Since she had accused the new version of the homeless movement she helped found, of resorting to terrorism, her whole life was going wrong. Not able to admit her people engaged in terrorism, she assumes the role of The Man, and goes after The Victim. Ms. Valkyrie is not around to divert attention away from her plight. Alley is in Paris wandering around the street high on LSD trying to capture the Kabuki Street Theatre she found herself the Star of. She could not quite grasp what had gone wrong. She thought France would be the Utopia of acute behavior.

“She didn’t understand that…Bad behavior is its own reward. There is…The Bemused Possibility, the Charmed Quark of existence that the followers of Bacchus-Dionysus worshipped! It was the acme of human achievement when it comes to how we behave! Take this gentleman, for instance…”

Victoria and Starfish put their heads together in order to see the photograph of Sean Kenneth Dwyer in the local newspaper.

“This poor sap had no idea what he was getting himself into when he ran against former Slug Queen, Emily Semple. The election of this queen was so Dickinish. Charles was the master of how the common people ar rewarded – and not rewarded! Never the less, Sean is a Master of Kabuki. He carries a gun as his Samurai as he enters the store. His She-male walks behind him. He grabs a beer out of the cooler, and sets the trap. He has performed this piece before. The throwing down of the beer bottle on the floor is so classic.”

Starfish Drinks Zig Zag Beer

I debated about Miriam Starfish using force to put down Maximorphius, the cook and owner of ‘The Bum’s Rush’ bistro in Eugene. My subconscious altered the name of Max’s Tavern, which is around the corner from The Bum’s Rush. Miriam Starfish almost skewers Professor John Bond, a name that is a conjunction of John Dee and James Bond, I just discovered. She has a love-hate relationship with John (played by me) who give a lecture on the Habsburg painting and – the Division of the Roses! What!!!!!!! I have yet to write that lecture – that is now the key to my book!

The Bum’s Rush is now going to have a house band ‘The Scunnered’. They are Scottish Wanna-bes who dress like Scottish Pirates. Their chief is McHook. In truth they are Russian Army officers trying to kidnap Phil Knight and replace his tennis shoes on the world market with a Russian brand. Bad Boys will be Bad Boys, but, their mission is changed after coming in contact with Victoria Bond.

Myriam Starfish goes berserk after drinking one bottle of Zig-Zag Beer. After the lecture she got her hair done on 13th. John Bond had altered her life, but, did not want him to know it. She never had a mentor before. She wanted to get rid of her old fashioned look. She felt she had graduated. She wanted to put her savage ways behind her.

My first message and lesson to Yulia Rose got me banned from her Instagram.

“You are much more beautiful with your mouth, shut. Don’t overdo that cutesy bee-stung lip thing. It looks like your catching flies! You’re a woman, not a toddler.”

I knew I was on target when I read about Alec Baldwin and telling his daughter “No”. Scary shit. More tension then the wreck of a speeding locomotive. the best way to describe my Bond book, is, it is a Apocalyptic Comedy. I’m sure it feels like The End when you go on line and see your daughter’s big ass staring you in the face. Alec would make a great Bond character!

Dr. Just…..No

Just No will be Victoria’s suave stalker. His daughter is leaking info to No so he can be there when she goes out to dinner. He brings a new date each time to make her jealous. No is sure Bond is eyeing him, checking out his moves. You will see him lurking in the background. When Victoria goes to the small room, the camera pans in. His dates are always a disaster!

“What is your name again?” she asked, the hair atop her head bristling more than usual.

“No……..Just…….No!” Alex Worthington Dodge the third replied with an eager stare.

“Are you refusing to tell me your name? Come again?”

“No! ………Doctor……Just No!”

“Are you an old fuck doing your best to be rude?”

“You’re a freaken freak, a friggen piggish witch! Are you an imbecile – too?”

“Now you’re talking! I have a thing for abusive men. Let’s go to your room!”

“Now – your’re talking!”

Rosamond Press

The Royal Janitor


John Presco

Everyone who entered the ‘Bum’s Rush’ cafe were bemused by the name. What to name your new restaurant is so very important. Victoria was amused. Myriam was still disgusted with von Bond because he told her a lie.

At the salad bar, John works deftly with that fake silver pincer device, and is grabbing olives that are trying to roll off his plate. He let’s out a moan, when he sees his guests scoop cruisants in a small bowl, and, nothing more.

“I thought I was going to treat you two to a fine dining experience. Chef Maximorphius picks many of his herbs himself, out of his herb garden. The dandelions grow on his front lawn!”

“Nope! We don’t want any of this shit. After we watch you eat, we’re gong to the ballpark to eat junk food. I hope Maxi washed the dog-pee…

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About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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