The Royal Janitor
Everyone who entered the ‘Bum’s Rush’ cafe were bemused by the name. What to name your new restaurant is so very important. Victoria was amused. Myriam was still disgusted with von Bond because he told her a lie.
At the salad bar, John works deftly with that fake silver pincer device, and is grabbing olives that are trying to roll off his plate. He let’s out a moan, when he sees his guests scoop cruisants in a small bowl, and, nothing more.
“I thought I was going to treat you two to a fine dining experience. Chef Maximorphius picks many of his herbs himself, out of his herb garden. The dandelions grow on his front lawn!”
“Nope! We don’t want any of this shit. After we watch you eat, we’re gong to the ballpark to eat junk food. I hope Maxi washed the dog-pee off his dandelions! Why Americans turn their yards into dog bathrooms, is very weird to me.”
John got the message. She was not ready to let it go, his responce to her question as to him being a real Professor, or, a fake Professor. He told her a famous homeless schizophrenic, named, Hatoon, kept calling him that, and the name stuck when others followed suit. In Mryiam’s mind, he was a mansifisation of the false notion that Men are ‘Givers’. In John’s case, the giver of knowledge,
“What do you really do for a living – Professor John?” Myriam asked in the best smart alec manner she could muster, that erased that beautiful receptive face he beheld in rapturous wonder, and replaced it with the face of his – Supreme Accuser! Such is life!
“Well. I was saving the best for last. I name restaurants for a living. Indeed, I named this one! I employed the idea of a Bohemian rebel getting a high from eating authentic food that gives him and her a rush of good nourishment.”
The sound of Myriam snorting the water she just drank, out of her nose, back into her glass, turned heads.”
“What bullshit! Do they sell drugs here?” Turning to her best friend; “Are you just going to sit there and dine on his bullshit!”
Victoria did a quick head dip, and held it – with raised brows! She knew how devastating it was for a male to have a woman be so much on his side, then, on a dime, she is against everything he holds dear. She was going to say she was sorry, but, then Victoria added a slight kick to her best friends ankle. It dug in deep. She felt hurt and betrayed. This, was not going to end well. Indeed, the threesome were on the brink of ‘Dining Hell’.
John cleared his throat.
“Yes. There is a market for this. I am called the Joseph Campbell of the Name Industry. Like Tolkien, I am a name freak.”
“You mean you are a…….?” Victoria started to say, but, Myrian cut in.
“An Etymologist. I am an expert etymologist. I know twice as much as you can possibly know, because I am an expert in Russian dialects. Do you speak Russian. That said, she tilted her head back, showed John her nostrils from which blew a cold Siberian wind. Then, she gave him a Cold, Dead, Fish Eye!”
John shuddered. During the lecture he had caught something, someone, lurking behind that fresh inquisitive face. Now, that voice was louder.
“I can kill you – just like that! I can grab your head, so, and snap your vertebrae. Why did you use the word – schizophrenic?”
It was Victoria’s turn to clear her throat in a completely phony way, and Myriam shot her head her way – and gave her The Fish Eye!
‘Oh! You are on his side, now? Why did you kick me so hard. That really hurt!”
That remark was utterly ignored, but, it sucked the good vibes out of the air, that strangers were enjoying. Peace – is practiced here! Some wizened ears tuned in.
“So, tell me more about how the Viking Panzer Division came upon the empress Zita’s bedroom.” Victoria piped in with an Ol Topic Changer.
“The Waffen SS recruited Nordic fighters from the Viking countries they had conquered. Good Patriots, who had fought the invasion of the Nazi, were now eager to invade their old enemy………Mother Russia. Many progressive Bohemian types, were transformed into stone cold killers. Even devout Christians forsake their upbringing in order to go on what a amounted to a Nazi Crusade against Bolshevism!
“You are a fucking liar!” Myriam snarled. Christians would never forsake Christ like that. Why are you telling lie after lie? After being caught in one lie, you then told another, as if the game of truth-telling has been called – due to lying!”
“And – YOU! You encourage it. I watch you two. You play this easy game of Liar’s Tennis. He lobs you a soft lie, and you lob it back! ”
“IT IS IMPPOSSBILE FOR CHRSTIANS TO TELL LIES. TAKE IT BACK – YOU FAT FUCK! YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE TROUBLE YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF INTO!”
Mryiam is on her feet, glaring down at John – with two forks in her hand!
Where did she get two forks. I didn’t see her get a fork. I didn’t get a fork. Victoria said to herself. Then, comes a serenade of old fucks clearing their throats. Looking around, several old dudes are wearing tie-dye. Two got a psychedelic Peace sign on their t-shirt. Is that a hologram of Jerry Garcia?
“Ah! How much did you say you got for naming this place?”
“Five grand! I have made as much as ten grand!” John offered, his eyes glued to the forks, that were released from Myriam’s powerful grip. Sitting down, she leaned foreword and looked at John – dead in the eyes!
“Are you shitting me?”
“No! No I’m not. Hitler paid the guy who came up with NAZI ten grand, which is about $200,000 thousand in today’s money. It is the most recognized brand name in the world, after………”
“The Peace sign, is No.3”
“This might not be correct. I read……………..”
Victoria excused herself and went into the bathroom to call BAD.
“What do you have on John Bond?”
“Not much, but for his desrire tto shoot Billy Graham when he emerged from that tunnel in the L.A. Coliseum with his two bodyguards. He was sixteen.”
“Really! Was he an Oswald copycat wanna-be?”
“No, this was eight months before the Kennedy assassination. In his first girlfriends biography, John accused Billy of using teenage erections to extort money out of their parents, in what he titled Holy Blackmail. He saw the whole con after his girlfriend’s mother forced him to go to four Crusades. He says it was a case of Penis and Vagina Shaming aimed at the parents of virginal teens, who conceived many children out of wedlock. Graham was telling 50,000 people in that stadium God sees all and knows all. Then he talked about Bobby wanting to put his teen boner, in Sally’s teen vagina. It comes natural, Billy said. We are all born sinners. Best get the kids down on the fields while the 5,000 person choir sings ‘Jesus I Come’. Of course the parents are putting a lot of pressure to go down. John refused, and his girlfriend’s mother refused to let him see her daughter.”
“So, this is why he wanted to shoot Mr. Graham?”
“No! He wanted too shoot him – before the mother threatened to call the cops!”
“He must have told his girlfriend.”
“Yep! She says, he wanted to save the world from Graham and his Mass Shaming Racket!”
“Interesting. Put that in my JFK file, and google Billy and Jack.”
“On August 18, 1960, with Kennedy showing unexpected strength, Graham convened a meeting in Montreux Switzerland, far from the media and prying eyes. Among the invited guests was Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, whose 1952 book The Power of Positive Thinking is still a bestseller today. Peale was also a notorious Catholic hater.
In all, about 25 Protestant leaders took part, with Graham leading the discussion.”
When Victoria emerged from the bathroom, Mryiam held up a bottle, and shouted;
“Look what I’m drinking………ZIG-ZAG BEER!”
“Check out this label. This is John’s idea. This is the Zig-Zag Man. He got $20,000 grand for this, because the label is going world-wide. Zig-Zag is in the brewery business. They started right here. In Eugene!”
“And!” piped John. “We both came to the conclusion, the No.1 symbol in the world, is THE DOLLAR $IGN! Can you dig it?”
Victoria offered her infamous cheap fake smile, that concealed a real concern about Myriam even touching a bottle of booze. Being such a powerful empath. this never failed to summon the spirit of a very nasty Russian merchant ship captain, who tells anyone who will listen, he ass-raped a hundred sailors who his motley crew had shanghaied.
“Taking a seat, she refrains from kicking John in the nuts, under the table.
“Gee! I leave you alone for ten minutes, and you cop-out on me!”
“What does cop-out mean? Are you going to tell me, or, am I going to have to tie you to a barrel and let my crew butt-fuck you all the way to China!”
bum’s rush. Forcible ejection, abrupt dismissal. For example, When Henry started shouting, the bouncer gave him the bum’s rush, or Within hours of being fired, Alice was given the bum’s rush. This idiom uses bum in the sense of “a vagrant or tramp.” [ Slang; early 1900s]
Formation and training
After the invasion of Poland in 1939, Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himmler sought to expand the Waffen-SS with foreign military volunteers for the “crusade against Bolshevism”. The enrollment began in April 1940 with the creation of two regiments: the Waffen-SS Regiment Nordland (for Danish, Norwegian, and Swedish volunteers), and the Waffen-SS Regiment Westland (for Dutch, and Flemish volunteers).
The Nordic formation, originally organised as the Nordische Division (Nr. 5), was to be made up of Nordic volunteers mixed with ethnic German Waffen-SS personnel. The SS Infantry Regiment Germania of the SS-Verfügungs-Division, which was formed mostly from ethnic Germans, was transferred to help form the nucleus of a new division in late 1940. In December 1940, the new SS motorised formation was to be designated as SS-Division Germania, but after its formative period, the name was changed, to SS-Division Wiking in January 1941. The division was formed around three motorised infantry regiments: Germania, Westland, and Nordland; with the addition of an artillery regiment. Command of the newly formed division was given to Brigadeführer Felix Steiner, the former commander of the Verfügungstruppe SS Regiment Deutschland.
After formation, the division was sent to Heuberg in Germany for training; by April 1941, it was ready for combat. The division was ordered east in mid-May, to take part with Army Group South’s advance into the Ukraine during Operation Barbarossa, the invasion of the Soviet Union. In June 1941 the Finnish Volunteer Battalion of the Waffen-SS was formed from volunteers from that country. After training, this unit was attached to the SS Regiment Nordland of the division. About 430 Finns who fought in the Winter War served within the SS Division Wiking since the beginning of Barbarossa. In spring 1943, the Finns’ 2-year contract ended, and the Finnish battalion was withdrawn. During that same timeframe, the Regiment Nordland was removed to help form the core of the new SS Division Nordland. They were replaced by the Estonian infantry battalion Narwa.
Invasion of the Soviet Union
The division took part in Operation Barbarossa, the invasion of the Soviet Union, advancing through Galicia, today’s Ukraine. In August the division fought for the bridgehead across the Dniepr River. Later, the division took part in the heavy fighting for Rostov-on-Don before retreating to the Mius River line in November. In the summer of 1942, the unit took part Army Group South’s offensive Case Blue, aimed at capturing Stalingrad and the Baku oilfields. In late September 1942, Wiking participated in the operation aimed to capture the city of Grozny, alongside the 13th Panzer Division. The division captured Malgobek on 6 October, but the objective of seizing Grozny and opening a road to the Caspian Sea was not achieved. The division took part in the attempt to seize Ordzhonikidze. The Soviet Operation Uranus, the encirclement of the 6th Army at Stalingrad, brought any further advances in the Caucasus to a halt.
After Operation Winter Storm, the failed attempt to relieve the 6th Army, Erich von Manstein, the commander of Army Group South, proposed another attempt towards Stalingrad. To that end, Wiking entrained on 24 December; however, by the time it arrived on 31 December, it was forced to cover the withdrawal of Army Group A from the Caucasus towards Rostov. The division escaped through the Rostov gap on 4 February.