The Recycled Death of The Fan Man
by
John Presco
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
After Ed Corbin introduced me to Mark Gall (A Jew) he took us out to a range to hit golf balls. Ed told me his old friend is pretty smart and was the head of the Department of Education at the University of Oregon, and, to prove it, Mark says’
“I suspose I got to pay for your bucket, as usual, even though you get SSI. You do understand you live off the taxes I give the Feds? You could have put $2,50 aside, so I can have a higher opinion of you. We both went to Harvard at the same time, and thus we both had ample opportunities to do something honorable. Your father was the head of the Mayo Clinic, while mine was poor machinist.”
Im going to start a Facebook group….”Who The Fuck Are You?”….for those who did well, but need to hang with a utter failers to make them look – even better! Ed’s father has two citations in Who’s Who? Mark has….only one!
I’m glad I aint you – award!
“You really owe me. You should be paying for my balls!”
It was all I could do, to stop myself from saying…..
“I get SSI to. And I don’t owe you jack shit!”
Two years later I am made an honorary member of the Gall and Corbin family, who are Jews. Ed and I are Celtic blue-eye people. Not only did Mark claim my SS! assets, but so did his wife and son. Ed’s ex-wife, would marry us at a Jewish wedding. Ed put a empty can of beer in a white dishrag – and crushed it.
I met Katrines three Jewish sons, and they were tickled pink their crazy alcholic father had a playmate. Now they can get to work making a million dollars. Their mother got them three new manudactired homes. Not one of them was around to help me get Ed in Serenity Lane. Not that they negelected their father, but, Ed told them I would be like a dutiful son, and do much for him. This way Ed would not look like
THE BIGGEST FAILURE WHO GRADUCATED FROM HARVARD
Ed met me in the Alley. He looked at the books I had in the wooden crate I attached to my bicycle. He was impressed. When he learned I was on SSI, he gave me The Gall Treatment. I really owed him – and his sons! I too must be a SSI cheat and fraud. My assets must be….SHAME-SEIZED, and used to profit the Corbin Family. Mark did the same thing. He asked me to take his mother to Synagogue. Not having children, I was a god-send. It looked like real money must be spent to cure Ed of Alcoholism. Because I had eleven years sobriety, I owed them to take care of Ed.
In the bottom pic, we see what a lousy job Ed did – cutting his hair! To top it off, he alas wore the jacket I and Katrice tried to get Ed – to throw out. He found it in the big dumpster that students threw their shit in – when they graduated. Ed had put a ton of shit in his apartment. There were paths to the refrigerator and toilet. You would think I could have called the Three Sons to take their father to the barber. But, this was….
MORE PROOF ED CORBIN WAS NOT A BURDEN TO HIS FAMILY
In the end, I was the BIG BURDEN, because I asked for something…
AFTER FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS!
When Dr. Kendall Brooks Corbin died, four years later his three grandson end up with his money. Feeling they have enough, Clan Corbin tells Ed they are going to hire him….AN ATTENDANT-MAID. Ed says he doesn’t NEED one, because…..
“I GOT JOHN! He already takes care of me!”
I was there, in Ed’s apartment – with Katrine and her oldest son, Cosmos. Ed is panic stricken. Cosmos wants to cut off Ed’s beer intake – cold turkey. He is feeling guilty he has NO SOLUTION, and, now he has all this money. Hr will use this Maid to montor the beer flow. I told the boys I buy Ed beer when I take him grocery shopping. If I didn’t buy it, he found neighbors in his big appartment complex to buy for him – which is no excuse – but a rea fucking dilema. The key thing is….Ed does not want to get sober, for his family – or his good friend…
HOW SELFISH OF HORSESHIT ED!
For taking him shopping, and a beer-run, Ed bought on order to Rose’s Fish&Chips, that we split. The back of my Toyota – was loaded down with beer. He has six cases in there, If he bought only five cases, then I could have a full order of chips and fish. This is a fullblown Harvard Alcholic at work. His sons no longer take him shopping – because they refuse to buy him beer. But, now they want to get involved in……
THE BEER INTAKE!
One day I tell Ed he can nt put so much beer in the Mustardmobile.
“My shocks are going out! Did you feel that!”
There was stone cold silence. I had struck a nerve. Ed had run away from the Corbin homestead in Yahchats, to be a……TOTAL DRUNK! He lived near a liguor store. He considered himself a SUCCESS if he never asked his son for anything.
“John will do it!” says Ed.
“That’s not true. The brakes on my car – are shot. I am saving them for my grocery shopping. I can’t drive over here – anymore! I dont have the money to fix them. Unless – YOU ALL – want to get them fixed, then I can no longer be….
YOUR GUNGA-DIN”
Ed took this news, hard. So did his family. My car, was not – their car! My assets were not – their assets. I had my new Beatnik Scene at the McKenzie Meadows. I did take my new friends, to the C Street Church for a free dinner. But, I dare not tell Ed, who will soon tell me…
“You are after my father’s money!”
Oh! Did I tell you I own thirty-nine years of sobriety. Ed – did the math! He has a great drinking buddy – who doesn’t drink. If we both drank, we would have loaded twelve case in my Toyota – and drank them at Ed’s. His son’s did buy him two giant screen TVS in order to keep me baby-sitting Ed – who had two strokes. We played Tiger Woods golf. How much was a case? Oh hell! I would have gone in on half. But, I wouldn’t want some Fish&Chips.
Cosmos did not want me to be a sober friend, because he couldn’t handle his father. At times – he hated him. I was more like a – good father. In the end, this money-loving status seeker rendered me……
A DIRTY LOW-LIFE SCUM SUCKING PARASITE – WHO LOVES HITLER
Mark Gall, his mentor, helped develops this Faux Image of me to make it all work for these…….
JEWISH MILLIONAIRES
The Fan Man is a cult comic novel published in 1974 by the American writer William Kotzwinkle. It is told in stream-of-consciousness style by the narrator, Horse Badorties (the titular “fan man”), a down-at-the-heels hippie living a life of drug-fueled befuddlement in New York City c. 1970. The book is written in a colorful, vernacular “hippie-speak” and tells the story of the main character’s hapless attempts to put together a benefit concert featuring his own hand-picked choir of 15-year-old girls.
Horse is a somewhat tragic, though humorous, character with echoes of other famous characters in popular culture such as Reverend Jim Ignatowski of Taxi fame. In his inability to follow anything through to completion he displays symptoms of attention-deficit disorder though this could equally be drug-induced. His defining characteristic is his joy in renting or commandeering apartments which he fills with street-scavenged junk articles until, full to bursting, he moves on to his next “pad”. The name “fan man” is a reference to another of his traits; the collecting and selling of fans of all shapes and sizes. The book’s most memorably absurd section is the chapter titled “Dorky Day” which features the repetitive statement of the word “dorky” by Horse as a cathartic mantra to dispel the ennui of a dead-end day.
Rosamond Press 
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