To: President Trump
Dear Art Buddy
I used to hate George W’s guts until I saw his artwork, that is not that good. However, George is very happy. George and I can talk. Painting makes him happy. The easiest way to make a lot of friends, is take up art. His bathtub with toes, is a great piece. He took a risk. He has Art Buddies all over the world, now! He has real power! Everyone loves W. This is not the case, if you submerge a image of Jesus in your own urine. This piece caused Jessie Helms to go after the NEA which your gang is doing. All Artists are going to made to suffer because of one female artist. This is……..Nazi-ish.
I can’t do this! I can’t remain positive! To hear Spicer go into another tirade about how cruel the Press is, while at the same time your business freaks prepare to end funding for the Arts, and Alternative Radio and Television, is my ongoing fight that has consumed my whole life. The art of Jacob Epstein has been attacked, along with ‘Piss Christ’. The bust of Winston Churchill was done by an artist who is accused of being obscene! This will not do! First you attack a ‘Golf Buddy’ fight over the work of a ‘Art Buddy’ and now you launch a propaganda campaign against the ‘Press Buddy’. A writer writes about you, and your goons throw him off your golf course.
Get rid of that Pipsqueak, Spicer. He can’t hang with us Bohemians. He’s not Moulin Rouge material. He reminds me of Joe Friday’s sidekick. Not cool! Talk to W. He had a thing for Putin, too. Treat him to a round. Ask him in the locker room if those are Putin’s legs. Get back to your tolerant self. I don’t want to scold you again!
P.S. I hear Putin has really taken a liking to Sean. Is this true?
P.S.S. Just found out the bust of King thingy-wingy was a fraud. This Art Thing can be your downfall. You’re in the middle of a landmine, and don’t know it. I am a Patriot. I am for hire. You’re becoming sensitive in a bad way. You and Spicer are too thin-skinned. We artists hear “no” all the time. Vincent got a big “NO” – and sliced off his ear. He had guts, while Spicer hides, you, and himself behind that bust of Churchill as you both lash out at the press for what amounts to an optical illusion. We artists are master of illusion. So, quit your whining! It is obvious to me you are a frustrated artist. You need an empty canvas, and twenty pounds of clay!