Last night I read I am going to be a grandfather again in seven weeks. After I posted my Bling-Bling poem, I looked at Heather’s page. I had concluded I will never see my granddaughter, because three women can’t admit a great mistake and injustice occurred when Patrice Hanson decided the solution to her problems – was not to tell me I am going to be a father – and tell her husband, a famous con-artist and ex-con, he is the father! Sure! Why not? Works every time. Where are the Family Values?
Look at the photo of me above…One minute I am arguing with Sir Knight William Arney, and, Grail Priest, Sir Ian Sinclair, over a Holy Bloodline, then, I am the Father-Grandfather of a linage I never dreamed I would have.
To further complicate the Hanson Problem, my daughter has a child by a young man who is not ready to grow up, and wants my daughter to have an abortion. I was not consulted, because, my daughter’s mother disappeared her daughter for two years, so she could be in Rosamond’s bio. This was THE SOLUTION before OUR daughter came out of A WOMB! I don’t have a womb. I am not a famous artist. Once again my daughter writes me out of her life – to make it work for her, her mother – and aunt Linda! Dead Rosamond would have been a member of The Women Empowerment Circle, if she hadn’t died! How wonderful! Everyone is so perfect. I did not need to bond with my child because I am utterly worthless, a complete failure. Do you think my grandson sees me this way?
For awhile I was the Man With Many Hats. I was a father – alas! I asked Patrice to marry me! I was the surrogate father of Patrice’s grandson. I was a grandfather! And….I FAILED!
I understood it was going to be very difficult for Heather to hear that her mother was a trouble-maker, who took me out of her life. Today, I learned Heather’s mom, and her aunt, are going to hold a open forum on matters that really do concern me. Total strangers are allowed to join in on The Family Discussion – for a fee!
I applaud Heather doing EVERYONE’S FIRST STEP! When are we going to hear Aunt Linda admit she made mistakes in regards to my grandson’s up-bringing and real crisis he has been in – since he was born!
When I went to Santa Rosa, Heather, Ryan, and Tyler, went out to eat. From the baby carrier came a right-cross that landed on his father’s chin, who said;
“I hate when he does that!”
The great grandson of Wolf Larsen has entered the ring! Tyler gave me a good punch to the heart when I tried to lift him off the tractor at the zoo! Who thinks THE FATHER DNA LINEAGE…matters! Who thinks the opinions of total strangers (and perhaps total losers) MATTERS?
I think this is a good start! I could be wrong – again!
If I am not included in the birth of my granddaughter, then I am going to turn to Margaret Starbird, and her million followers to raise Lily-Rose (my choice for a name) on The High Feminine Plane. Last night I read on facebook,my friends concern for the rebuilding of Notre Dame
“Today’s Wall Street Journal (Review section) had an article about the architect who is reconstructing Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Apparently they have never been able to determine the cause of the fire that broke out during an evening Mass on the Monday of Holy Week, during the Gospel reading from John 12, the anointing of Jesus at the banquet in Bethany by Mary, the sister of Lazarus (aka Mary Magdalene)”.
“This is probably the most vulnerable post to date but it is time to peal back this layer of pain and so I am just going to put it out there.
My teenage son is mirroring back to me all the years of unconscious parenting I did while living in survival mode. I failed to take the time to really listen to my heart as I rushed around trying to find love, success, and happiness outside myself.
I was often in a reactive state and fear was my dominant emotion.
If my son was angry, sad, or mad I would match his emotion and guilt him for making me feel this way.
There was no rime or reason to my approach to discipline. It was either non existent because I was to exhausted to do anything or I would explode and scare him into obeying me.
I had no routine, no self-care practice, no boundaries, and no clue what I was doing.
As a result my son struggles in school, he explodes in anger, he has a hard time understanding his emotions, and he rarely feels like he can talk to me.
Okay, so that is my confession of being a young unconscious mom who now sees her mistakes.
So what to do? Well, just the act of looking at myself, using mindfulness awareness practices, finding authentic happiness from within, and modeling new behavior has already created a shift in my relationship with my son.
Since become a Mind-Body Medicine Practitioner, I have become more attuned to my own heart and I can hold space for his essence. I am living in the present moment and loving myself and him unconditionally regardless of our past.
Slowly his episodes of anger are dissipating as I am learning to listen and acknowledge his feelings with out interfering with my unconscious reaction.
I am grateful for our experience because it has shown me how important it is to heal my life and awaken to my own excellence so that I can show up for my loved ones in a bigger way.
I am also grateful because the contrast of my experience has called me to cultivate a community of mindful parents who are also ready to evolve as parents through their own personal growth.
With a baby girl due in April, the timing of this awakening is perfect.
The pain pushed until the vision pulled and as a result I have created the Sonoma County Mindful Parents Group.
My vision is to teach, cultivate, and encourage self healing, mindfulness, and consciousness through the practice of study based mindfulness tools that support resilience for the entire family.
I am currently offering a free Facebook group, walking group, book club, and affordable workshops with childcare and mindfulness education for the children.
I invite you to join the group for updates on the latest gatherings. https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindfulparentsgroup/?ref=share
I am learning that children are the most impressionable up to age 10. So don’t wait until your kid is a teenager to awaken. The time is now and the support is available.
Let’s change the world through parental evolution!