The Royal Janitor
Call Me Blue
Blue McDonald paced back stage like a wild animal, or a mad-dog Gladiator who couldn’t wait to get in the arena and slaughter his first pack of cry-baby Christians. When the curtain opened a gap in the line, out he rushed to center stage. He now wished he had worn a larger collar because the blood was coursing through his neck arteries like a slege hammer. He yanked at his tie, and a button flew into the audience. Because of the spotlights, he did not witness the mad scrum for it. He had heard he was famous – real famous – but, he had not experienced that as yet. Thinking he had arrived, he now hears a crescendo of BOOS pouring down on him – like an avalanche!
“BLUE! BLUE! BLUUUUE!
“What the fook!” Blue uttered with a snarl, then started rushing back and forth on the stage, giving everyone in the front rows – THE BIRD!
“Feck you all! I knew it was a mistake to come to Brussels! FECK BRUSSLES! And feck you you belly-wog scum-sucking panty-wipe!
This made the audience boo that much louder, and now their were waves of laughter as they tought this was part of the show.
About to leap off the stage, Sergent McLean, the Grand Master of the Orange Lodge, rushed out and grabbed Blue’s arm.
“Listen you half-cocked limey. They are saying BLUE! Your name – moron! They love – YOU!”
“Throw us your shirt!” a young woman shouts!
“Take it off! cries two more beauties.
Blue ripped off his new shirt that was cramping his style, and tore it into shreds.
“Have at it ladies!”
But, this did not satisfy the ladies up front.
“Show us your bumm!” a cute dimples lass ventured, then blushed a bright pink. This was her first time she tried to be naughty and bold, it safe to do so after the Great Understand that Victoria gifted the world with.
“O.K. CAAAALM! Down. You’re beginning to make me fearful. At the end of the slide show I will unbuckle my pants.
“At your own pace Sweety!
Picking up the laser pointer and click. Blue presents one of the most famous photos of all time. He is on a paddy wagon with the defrocked Catholic renegade priest, Conrad Fitz-Willy.
“He was so crazy, they threw him out of Opus Dey. Thank God the camera moved before we saw his Willy Nilly! That’s me on the left!
“Now you all saw this one. THE most famous photograph in the world. What a skinny-ass runt I was. I’ve put on weight, hence!”
Now, here is a photo of my brother Lou with Victoria Bond. He is teaching her to ski in the Alps. This is the last photo taken of them, before the avalanche.”
Blue looks up at the black screen. This heartbreaking pic has not come up. He clicks the clicker a few more times, and, is now having another fit of fury!
“Fook! Ladies and gentleman, I cant’ pull up that image. Can I get some………?”
All of sudden there is a video of Victoria picking up her guitar.
“I dedicate this song to my dear friend Blue, and Lou, because their names are similar!”
Blue was shaken. He was not ready, and was trembling on stage. Just before Victoria struck her first chord, Blue shouted;
“This is for my late brother! I love you man!”
There literally was not a dry eye in the house, after Victoria’s beautiful frail voice sang the first three lines.
Rushing back stage Blue grabs the Searge by his sash, and with a look of total joy, shouts!
“They’re alive! That was no malfunction. Victoria taught me how to look for signs. She has a Guardian Angel. They are calling to me. We got to go back to Switzerland – NOW!
Blue and the Sarge rand ran out of the arena ignoring the chant for an encore! Their pounding feet in the hall, matched the pounding feet in the arena. It took Blue back to the time he first met Victoria. He exposed his bum to her, and she pulled the flute part of her contraption, and would have shoved it up his ass, if McLean had not stopped her.
“BLUE! BLUE! BLUE!