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My Dead Uncle Vinnie bankrolled Wild Bill Cornwell’s crazy-ass drive to Oatman – twice! He had to do a re-take, this time with out the Fuddy Duuddy Old Parasite who lost his balls because he can’t drink like a fish anymore. Heather warned me that Drunken Aunt Linda may take over OUR family reunion. Heather Hanson is the master of the half-truth. She was talking about Bill, who was born on my mother’s birthday. My daughter was born on my mother’s birthday! It was a rerun of ‘The Vic and Rosemary Show’. Talking about wanting to be the center of attention! After insulting the piss out of me on our trip to the Grand Canyon, with a stop in Oatman, we are having dinner.

“Bill….You do know I’m writing a biography of our family?”

Bill gave me this look that puzzled me. It was as if I had interrupted his Great Scene that he had been delivering since he got on the plane to attend his friends bachelor party. 

“Yes!” he said with the infamous Cornwell Angst that came over on a clipper ship. I looked at my daughter, wondering what she had been telling this Beer Lush – who was worse than her best friend Leah, who flew into a rage; 

“I’m so jealous of you and your father’s relationship. I want to hit you – real hard. I told you it wouldn’t work!”

“Leah. If you attack my daughter I will restrain you!”

I called up Leah’s mother and I put this poor girl on the train. I actually liked her. Her found-father had rejected her. I suspect Heather was telling her she could come live with me because her mother was practicing tough-love, and throwing her out of her home when she acts up. I seemed to be a real nice tolerant guy – who would put up with anything.

I hated Bill – form across the airport lobby! What I am now getting to understand, is, if you are a member of a famous family – with lots of bucks and publicity – then people are going are going to be jealous, then run the…..

“If I was in your shoes! You don’t deserve your fame and fortune! I do! You talk about your problems, and want me to feel sorry for the terrible childhood you had, well all famous people got sad stories! That’s what makes them famous!” 

Heather warned me about her Lover’s Sad Story, that he knew he was going to lay on me – REAL THICK – as he downs pitchers of beer and his favorited cocktails. 

“Bill refuses to help his mother!”

“Why?”

“Because she is so obese, she has to use a wheelchair!”

“Oh!”

When Bill spotted me seventy-five yards away, he lowered his head in disgust. Here comes another cross to bare. I weighed 265 pounds. Poor Bill. Can Mommy Heather buy you another cocktail with her money she earns as a dentist assistant?

Uncle Vinnie left Vicki and Mark Presco $50,000 dollars a piece. I got $25,000 and Christine got nothing. The Rice Trust was made while our famous kin was still alive – and had money! Not once did Heather show any empathy towards Christine – or me! She grew up jealous of us. While her and her mother are living like paupers on food stamps, Christine and I are rolling out of limousines, drunk out of our mind, on the way in to another swank club. I swear, the only reason Heather wanted to be famous, was to get a Money Shot, of her opening the door to a limousine, and vomiting’s in the gutter – with her legs open!

“Is that beaver? Do I see famous Heather Hanson’s – beaver!”

When I saw my daughter in the Las Vegas, I beheld a alcoholic, who was looking for more alcoholic solutions. Bill had to get sober to keep his job at the Santa Rosa fire department. I have not seen my grandson in ten years. We have not talked. 

What occurs to me, is Heather and her family realized Tyler and I loved each other, and had an hones and overt relationship. My grandson was not using me as a pawn – in their game! Heather had not love for me, and did not confide in me, yet, she talked about me behind my back, let others know there was a hidden agenda, and, I could be manipulated to get what – they want – whatever that was! With Tyler, I had my happy ending – and they knew it. They had to capture my beautiful grandson and use him as another carrot on their evil stick.