The Seven Kings of Rome


I Wear The Purple

From: The Royal Janitor


John Presco

Copyright 2020

Alas Starfish allowed Victoria to come up into her tree house. Climbing the bamboo ladder was the easy part. Taking in her dear friend, was the hard part. Miriam was wrapped in a purple robe, and on her head was a crown of thorns. The first time she read Christling’s BAD report, the words “Christ Complex” jumped off the page at her.

“Are you going to fient, fall off the ladder, break your neck – and die, or, are you going to come sit next to me. I have something very important to tell you.”

Getting comfy, Victoria waited for the worse.

“Have you read the Bible?”

Yes. I know it well. Working in the College of Heraldry I had to identify the source of the mottos on the Coat of Arms. I had a lot of time on my hand.

“Do you know the story of the Magi?”


‘I want you to close your eyes while I make a picture.  On a hill is three crosses. On one of them is Jesus wearing a purple robe. A procession of a hundred knights on horseback ride to the top of the hill. Six men wearing purple, dismount and stand before…….their fellow king who is dying.  A crown of thorns is brought out of a red bag, and the Six Kings order their Royal Augur to stand with them. They want to make sure…..he’s the one. The augur has these ancient bones which he cast down on the ground, and reads them,

“He is the one!”

A ladder is found and placed on the cross. A piece of wood is found, and on it these words are written…

“King of the Romans.”

The crown represents a Sheepcote wherein were kept the herds and horse of the Vandals, Skythians, and Alans.  Rose bushes were grown on the thorny bramble from which a fragrant oil was made.”

“O.K…..Are you done?” Victoria said, and realized her egregious mistake.

“No!” Miriam said with her fierce blue eyes.

“Jesus was a blonde with blues eye, just like mine. He was very tall. This is why his feet dragged on the ground when they put him on a ass. His people rode larges horses on the Steppes of Russia. He may be my ancestor. I descend from King Thrasamund. I am going to dismiss you, dismissing me, and give you the bottom line. After Jesus was born, three Roman Kings took him to Rome, where he drew up. When he was thirteen, he went up to the Temple of Zeus and conversed with the Seven Kings of Rome who were in exile. When one of them died, Jess was offered The Thorny Crown of the Good Shepherd. And, now you know why I am in a shitload of trouble. I figured all this out when I was thirteen. My parents……..were blown away! Jesus was not a Jew!

“Say something! I’ve been faking it. I’ve been leading a double life. I see the world as it should be – if it were not for Paul of Tarsus – the evil enemy of my people. That Gnome was not saved by the light! He followed – and killed the light. I hate that dwarf – with a passion! He is the Judiazer! He and Putin are cut from the same clothe. They are of Satan – the Divider and Liar from hell!”

Victoria could not look into Miriam’s blazing blue eyes, so, she came at them sideways. She picked up the pine needle basket her beloved was waving, and let out a yelp when Miriam snatched it out of her hand.

“Would you like some tea. I can have my Major Domo bring us a tray!”

All of a sudden – Miriam jumped up!

“Shush! Can you hear them? Those are the great horns brought from Tibet. Hear that? The Alan Calvary is coming! The Scythians are coming! My people gather in Carthage. We must save her!”

Victoria shrieked as Miriam grabbed her spear – and flew out of her tree house! She did a roll when she landed, and took off like a track star!

“We must save Queen Dido and her lover from the Dwarf King! To Carthage! God save out Queeeeeeeeeeeeen!”

Victoria stood up. Her mouth was quaking. Tears formed in her eyes, and they jumped to their death. This was THE END. All good things must pass.”

“It was too good to be true. My lover is a heretic – and a Pagan! There is nothing, or no one, who can tame her!…..To Carthage! For where’t ever thy go, I will go, and be by your side! I will go mad – for you!”

But, then Victoria heard screams down by the pond. Miriam was concducting faux warfare with her enemies. Best go to my computer and do my job.

“Purple. Robe!”

An hour later, Starfish is still being quite the charismatic and has broken out in Victory song. Victoria has zeroed in on the name MELQART. Could it be Jesus was not King of the Romans, but, KING OF THE CITY? Then is came to her, what was written on the plaque…



O.K. Now we are getting somewhere. I can calm my love down with with logic and reason. I can be – historically supportive of her. Then, the door burst open. In three giant steps, Miriam is towering over Victoria. Her face was glowing!

“Guess what I just did?……I walked on water!”

Victoria hem and hawed, then pointed to the computer and the picture of a king walking on a beach with his little dog.

“You don’t believe me… you!”

To be continued

The legend tells that the discovery of the purple was attributed to the god Melqart Heracles. While he was walking on the beach with the nymph Tyros, his dog found a Murex and munched on it. Its jaws tinged purple color. The nymph admired the color and asked the God to offer her a cloth with such a beautiful color. In order to please his sweetheart, Melqart, ordered to collect the seashells and to prepare a tincture of this crimson color, and make a dyed tunic witch delight the heart of the nymph.


About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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