It is such a miracle to see your handsome face. You have grown up. I began to see my mother in you when your were about three. You have her eyes and mouth. Rosemary Rosamond died not knowing I had a child, because I did not know I had conceived your mother, Heather. I feel her looking at you – now! I can feel her overwhelming love for you. This is the miracle she never dreamed possible. She died of acute alcoholism and lunge cancer. She smoked like a chimney. Rosemary was also mentally ill. She would tell her children;
“I have a scholarship to Camrillo State Hospital.””What is that?”
“A mental hospital for the insane. I met a doctor who worked there who told me I should check myself in.”
You can see Camirillo in this video of Rosemary. Your grandmother was an amazing person. She raised four children on her own. Her husband was an alcoholic who severely abused his children and grandchildren. He was the one who was really mentally ill. Vic’s offspring have been severely damaged by him. I see none of my father in you.
I see a kind and gentle young man who loves everyone around him. The last time I saw you, your sensitive side was taking over. You are not to blame for my falling out with your mother. I am sure you know it was over Bill Cornwell. I have thirty-three years of sobriety. I was concerned for Heather and you.
Heather only knew Bill three months before I did. He got angry at me at the Grand Canyon because he thought I was obese and disabled like his mother who he refused to have a relationship. We agreed I would drive the car I rented, home. Bill refused to let me drive. He said he would not get in the call with a lunatic, put his life in the hands of a mentally ill person. Where did he get the idea I dangerous and insane. I was allowed to come and stay with you during the school break. Just you and – at play! Heather should have told me what Bill believed – before I signed papers that made her my Trustee. Acting in good faith is vital in all agreements we make
I tried to make amends with Heather, so I could see both of you again. She set up a Kanga-roo tribunal on her Women’s Empowerment site. This is a Witch Hunt, a Family by Strangers. A mental diagnosis was chosen off the web. Heather, and these women, have no right to evaluate me. It takes months of being with a person to even begin to make a evaluation.
I do not present my side of the Inquisition for you to take any side, or action. I present my case for you to find – in the future! I may not be around when your mother’s latest Cult-Fad ends. You grandmother, Patrice, is helping with the fake cult trial. This too – shall pass!
Back to Rosemary. My mother had a very tough life. Her struggle to raise four children – one who became a world famous artist – is epic. Her story will be in my auto-biography. Heather had much trouble raising – just one child. Now she goes to her surrogate sisters to get their help and having a relationship with me! Why does your mother need – so much help? Is it working?
Rosemary did not have a Coven of Empowered Women to hold her hand every day, and give her tons of stupid amateur advice. Rosemary invented much of the real wisdom that is applicable to the real Woman’s Movement. She is a Trailblazer! I was her No.1 Confident. I gave my mother the best advice I could. I grew up before my time. I knew I was losing my childhood. I knew my mother was damaging me. But, what choice did I have?
When Christine began to show signs of being mentally illness, I was the only one there for her. Everyday I counseled two women who were coming undone. This is the crux of my story, that you will be able to read – soon!
I love you Tyler. We worked our own deal. We made forts, and played gun. We ran around, like children. When Bill told me I was about to lose you, I had to detached. Bill is a drunk, born on my abusive father’s birthday. Your mother was born on Rosemary’s birthday. If I had not gone to Serenity Lane in 1987, I would have been dead in a year. We would never have met. I would never have met your mother. Here is your great grandmother.
P.S.I was trying to conjure up your favorite song, and failed. But, this vision came across. I see us, and perhaps your father, shouting at a Duck game. We be………The Dudes!….Practice being positive!
My Mom often quotes A Course In Miracles and this is one she uses all the time. It sure is coming in handy right now.
I recently shared my experience with having a Dad is paranoid personality disorder. Apparently he had responded to that post but because I had blocked him, I could not see his messages.
A complete stranger reached out and informed me of this and shared that his words were very hurtful. So I took further steps to block him but in doing so I was able to see a few of his comments.
I was not surprised to see that his words were angry and full of wrongful accusations.
I wanted to defend myself and set the story straight but then I remembered these words.
The truth is that there is nothing to defend. I know the truth about who I am and if he can’t see it than that is his loss.
It is not easy knowing that my Dad is my worse critic but I continue to find the blessings in disguise.
The gift is that despite my Dads behavior I still love him. He is teaching me how to have compassion and not take things personally. He is teaching me how important it is to love myself regardless of what anyone else says or does and how to not judge others. He is teaching me how we create our own reality through our perceptions. We can create our own heaven or hell based on what we focus upon.
Abraham Hicks says that if you want to know who your soul mate is look to the one who is giving you the most trouble. Your soul mate will show you the most contrast so that you can learn about yourself.
I am willing to set fear aside and let love guide me. There is no need to defend when love is the leader.