The Royal Janitor
John Presco 007
The Royal Janitor
Anna Zola claimed she was the great granddaughter of Emile Zola. She lived on a tugboat on the Thames. One day, while in the wheelhouse, she spots a beautiful young girl who looked to be seven years of age. She was teetering on the edge, on a rotten piece of timber with big rusty nails hammered in it . How dramatic! She had the most troubled furl on her brow. Annie opens the window, gently, so as to not disturb the poor waif, but, owning a powerful voice, she almost knocks her into the water!
“IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT THROWING YOURSELF IN. WHY DON’T YOU HELP ME TAKE MY SCONES OUT OF THE OVEN, AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA WITH ME, INSTEAD?!”
Regaining her balance, Victoria Bond looks up, and as she later tells it,
“I beheld the Face of God, or, the Face of Goddess Hera ‘The Water Queen of Mount Olympus! It was a near-death experience!”
“The Water Queen saved my life!” she told the Austrian equestrian, who was so well bred, he did not flinch. Most royal people, are insane. He passed the test. Victoria now looked for the right moment to place her hand on his knee. She sensed an aching there. His stirrups were too high.
“Lower them about an inch and half and you will take first place. Do you have an ice bag handy. If not, we can go to my place. You might need a bandage-wrap, too.” Again he did not flinch, even when she delivered an inviting squeeze – above his aching knee.
Reaching for another scone, Victoria told Aunt Annie why she wanted to end her life.
“My mother died when I was four. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve read so many books. I know all the Fairytales, and other fanciful lore. But, I am left empty. I feel like a ghost upon the Moore. Perhaps one day I will find him – my Heathcliff!”
“All is not lost, my dear. I sense there is a poet lying within you – and a romantic?”
“How did you know. I have committed to memory a hundred thousand poems. Let us be friends.”
“You can come visit me anytime you want. Would you like to go see my play. I can’t give my tickets away? Perhaps, one day………….Now you got me doing it.”
Annie was Victoria’s GO TO. Whenever she was in trouble, or, needed a hand. The Right-wing Christians called her the Anti-Christ ever since she knocked Cian O’Hannesy out of the ring that was built for their wrestling match. They built it under near the giant Ferris wheel, and tripled the price to get on it and watch their Jacob wrestle with a demonic fallen angel. Cian was the only human being Annie hated.
“Everyone of his opinions, is a hateful one! Even Hitler had a nice opinion, or two. I wish I could get that ‘Catholic Starver’ in a ring with me! I don’t fight fair. I fight to win!”
From her tug, Annie Zola ran her radio talkshow that was now syndicated all over the world. Kin Kong Fu loved it, and invited Annie to North Korea. Cian was the King of American Plot Radio. Everything was a UGLY PLOT. The uglier – the better. When he called Annie, ugly, and compared her to Tugboat Annie, Annie became curious as to who Cian was talking about. Then, she found her, her Weir. It was love at first sight. Annie owns the whole collection of Annie movies.
Thinking she could now best Cian in there ongoing War of Words, she thanked him for introducing to her Marie Dressler. That’s when the Ugly Child Starver went after her Hero – and Wallace Beary. He called him a fag, and Annie a lesbian. His Goon Squad of UtterLosers loved every minute of it. They made Ugly Annie cut-out masks, and wore them in Confederate Flage Waving parades. That’s when the challenge was made – and accepted. Annie had her supporters who waved ‘Ugly Is Beautiful’ signs, which made her wonder if the world was coming to an end.
Her most ferocious supporters were the Skinhead Nazis, and Racist Evangelicals who thought her play ‘White Woman’ was about the Rise of the Arian Race – again. Britain’s Black Panthers, who worshipped the infamous American movie, picketed ‘White Woman’ around the clock. There were violent clashes, of course. Annie showed up at the latest riot, and standing on the bed of an old truck with a megaphone, she shouted;
“WHO HAS SEEN MY PLAY? RAISE YOUR HANDS? WHO KNOWS WHAT IT IS ABOUT? WHO WANTS A FREE TICKET?”
“We don’t go to plays!”
When the bell rang for the first round, Annie charged Cian while whirling her arm about like a helicopter.
“DEFEND YOURSELF. I’M GOING TO HIT YOU AS HARD AS I CAN IN THAT TIGHT SLIT YOU GOT FOR A MOUTH. I WANT TO SEE YOUR TEETH GO FLYING INTO THE THIRD ROW.”
When Annie saw O’Shannity’s eyes turn into two black pits of fear, and, as he looked in the corner for his agent who booked him for a good beat-down, Annie delivered an uppercut that knocked Cian over the ropes into a group of Beauty Queens that were texting away, and, didn’t see him coming. Cian, landed in their laps. Video shots were taken of Cian’s bloody mouth bleeding all over their Amanni dresses. Lawrers were called. The Starver of Little Children was……………..FINIS!
“How can I help you Dearie!”
“They won’t let me play my dragon in the parade. I’ve been getting threats from the McDonald Boys, Huey, Louey, and Bluey. They say they’re going to drag me out of the parade and stomp the shit out of my “Satan Thing”.
“OH REALLY! Would you be a dear and fetch me a fresh bag of baby eels out of the fridge and put them in my foot bath?
“Why are you talking – normally?”
“This is all hush – hush. We lovers of Pie and Mash are smuggling in river eels from Russia. Those bastards got us by the balls. The owner of M. Manze is selling us bags of eels under the table. All up and down the Thames, we Eel Lovers are slipping these lil ones in the water. If we get caught, we will go to jail. We might contaminate the native species, forever.
That’s it. Just pour them in. They eat all the dead skin off my feet, then have a go at my toe cheese. The President of the United States is addicted to Pie and Mash. That’s why he built his golf course in Scotland. There’s a river running thru it. If these crittters take, then our troubles are over! Did you know New Zealand was founded by poor rioters who went ape-shit during a great eel shortage. We are on the brink of another great riot. Folks are starving in London.”
“Oh! I almost forgot. I finished Judith’s second number. She sings at the Comet Café in South Africa. It’s a lament, telling her adopted tribe a great comet is coming that will take her home to her people in New York. Here’s the score.”
“This looks good. Hand me my accordion. What a brilliant idea to turn White Woman into a musical. HOLY FUCK!”
“What’s wrong?” Victoria asks.
“Don’t tell anyone. But I’m having the best orgasms of my life! WHOA!”
“Can I get me some?”
“Don’t you get enough? Who are those bow-legged chaps I see you running around with?”
“I’m talking about eels. But, if you must know, no man can turn down a good ice-bag knee-job. It’s a trade secret. If you grab a man’s knee, just so, he’s your sex slave for a night and a day! Here, let me show you. I read about the K-spot in Freidrich de Rougemont’s ‘Wild Men of Borneo’.”
“OH MY!” I wish you had not shown me this. Now I will be lying awake all night thinking about the ones that got away. No more of your crazy horse-shit talk. Go to Manzes. Tell them I sent you. What are you going to do with them?”
“Aunt Annie. I have a confession. I wasn’t going to kill myself so long ago. You see, I have this movie going off in my head. I……….!”
“Say no more. What you got, is what few of us have. You own a – DESTINEEEEEEEEEE!
The most common story that presents Hina as the wife of Maui tells of Te Tunaroa, the father of all eels, who one day visited the pool where Hina bathed. One day, as Hina was bathing, the eel-god rubbed against her. This occurred over a number of visits until Te Tunaroa grew bold enough to rub against Hina’s genitals, molesting her.
When Maui heard of this act he went and attacked Te Tunaroa cutting his body into bits, the tail landed in the sea and became the conger eel, whereas the other end landed in the swamps as the fresh water eels. Smaller pieces became lamprey and hagfish.
Paramount shifted the play’s original setting from a West African river to a colonial Malaysian outpost in Southeast Asia, I suppose because the action eventually takes place on a rubber plantation. On one of the islands a widowed white woman, Judith Denning (Lombard), raises eyebrows among upper class whites by remaining in their presence after her husband’s controversial suicide and, making matters worse, shamelessly singing in a cafe frequented by the island natives.
She knows she’s making a deal with the devil when she marries the “King of the River,” wealthy rubber plantation owner Horace H. Prin (Laughton), but Prin’s proposal saves her from being deported by the more traditional elite who have claimed power on the island. Within moments of reaching Prin’s jungle plantation, Judith falls head over heels for overseer David von Elst (Kent Taylor). Prin picks up on the attraction and his wicked sense of humor and twisted values become all the more apparent to her.
The book is often blamed for ending the friendship between Cézanne and Zola. The story of a groundbreaking artist unable to live up to his potential must have seemed intensely personal to Cézanne; no correspondence exists between the two after a letter in which Cézanne thanks Zola for sending him the novel.
The novel covers about 15 years, ending in 1870. Besides depicting the bohemian art world of 19th-century Paris, L’œuvre explores the rise of Realism, Naturalism and Impressionism in painting. Zola also looks at contemporary sculpture, literature, architecture, music and journalism, as well as the commodification of art. In creating his portrayal of the Parisian art world Zola includes several characters who are composites of real-life art world related figures; artists, writers, art dealers, and friends that he knew.
In 1862, Zola was naturalized as a French citizen. In 1865, he met Éléonore-Alexandrine Meley, who called herself Gabrielle, a seamstress, who became his mistress. They married on the 31 May 1870. She stayed with him all his life and was instrumental in promoting his work. The marriage remained childless. Alexandrine Zola had a child before she met Zola that she had given up, because she was unable to take care of it. When she confessed this to Zola after their marriage, they went looking for the girl, but she had died a short time after birth.
Set in the mid through late 19th century, it depicts Zola’s friendship with Post-Impressionist painter Paul Cézanne, and his rise to fame through his prolific writing, with particular focus on his involvement late in life in the Dreyfus affair.
Struggling writer Émile Zola (Paul Muni) shares a drafty Paris attic with his friend, painter Paul Cézanne (Vladimir Sokoloff). A chance encounter with a street prostitute (Erin O’Brien-Moore) hiding from a police raid inspires his first bestseller, Nana, an exposé of the steamy underside of Parisian life.
Other successful books follow. Zola becomes rich and famous; he marries Alexandrine (Gloria Holden) and settles down to a comfortable life in his mansion. One day, his old friend Cézanne, still poor and unknown, visits him before leaving the city, and tells Zola that with his success he has become complacent, a far cry from the zealous reformer of his youth.
White Woman is a 1933 American pre-Code drama film directed by Stuart Walker and starring Carole Lombard, Charles Laughton, and Charles Bickford. A young widow remarries and accompanies her husband to his remote jungle rubber plantation. The film was based on the Broadway play Hangman’s Whip by Norman Reilly Raine and Frank Butler.
One of hundreds of Paramount films held in limbo by Universal Studios. Universal gained ownership of Paramount features produced between 1929 and 1949. Paramount remade the film in 1939 as Island of Lost Men, with Anna May Wong, J. Carrol Naish and Broderick Crawford in the roles originated by Lombard, Laughton and Bickford. It was directed by Kurt Neumann.