Miriam’s Menstrual Doomsdays

The Royal Janitor

Whenever Miriam – was that way – her receptionist made a sign on her desk to warn everyone. It was a little Japanese flag that she stuck in her pen and pencil holder she bought at Staples.

“Watch out! Bonsai!”

To take her mind off the severity of her menstrual cramps, Miriam would put on one Tribulation video after another, and criticize the very faulty math and scripture. These episodes left her in an acute state of heightened awareness. Wearing that look, she told you she was your divine superior, and, if she chose to, she could squash you like a bug. She would tilt her head back and let you see into her nostrils that would flare when you really pissed her off. Everyone in the office tried t avoid making eye contact with her. But, that filled her with more endless rage. Victoria would send her off to the firing rage, or, the marshal arts practice, but, she was soon back, standing on the other side of her desk.

“You think you are better than me. Don’t you?”

Victoria heard Miriam had mastered French kickboxing after hearing she was very good at it. she knew if they got started, they would not stop until the other was a bloody pulp. Looking up into the eyes of the Tiger, and seeing her nostrils flaring like the gills of a Great White. Victoria had enough!

“You’re on the rag, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about (bitch?)”

Victoria whips out a calendar.

“We….I mean I have been keeping a record. Here are the moon days you go berserk,”

“No! Stop it! You’re hurting me!”

“I’m sending you to the doctor. Something is wrong…………..”

Miriam came around the desk and kicked away the chair that Victoria just vacated so she would have room to deliver a knock-out kick to her bodyguard’s jaw!

“Shut the fuck up you dirty evil bitch, or I will tear you heart out! I know what’s wrong me. It’s none of your fucking business why I wear that platinum wig!”

All of a sudden, Victoria had an epiphany. All the pieces of the puzzle – flew into place! All her talk about the men who got an erection at the Adamite Nudist Colony, how she had to be covered up. She felt like an outcast. She felt she was being punished. When she had her first menstrual cycles, she was made to stay home with an old hag that mentally tortured her. She knew all the dreadful Russian witch story aimed at terrorizing young pubescent maidens. She was told if she told her parents of their lessons they would born a Succubus, and monstrous child that would eat everyone in the middle of the night.

Victoria realized that Miriam was sexually screwed up, and in need of a psychiatrist. But, there was something else.

“Oh my God, Miriam! You’re a……..”

“Virgin.” Miriam whispered. And her hard stare softened, replaced with tears.

“Menstrual cramps can range from mild to quite severe. Mild menstrual cramps may be barely noticeable and of short duration. They are sometimes felt as just a sense of heaviness in the abdomen. Severe menstrual cramps can be so painful that they interfere with a woman’s normal activities for several days.

How common are menstrual cramps?

Menstrual cramps of some degree affect an estimated 50% of women, and among these, up to 15% would describe their menstrual cramps as severe. Surveys of adolescent girls show that over 90% report having menstrual cramps.

Quick GuidePremenstrual Syndrome (PMS): Track and Prevent Symptoms

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS): Track and Prevent Symptoms

What is dysmenorrhea?

The medical term for painful menstrual periods is dysmenorrhea. There are two types of dysmenorrhea, primary and secondary.

In primary dysmenorrhea there is no underlying gynecologic pathology causing the pain. This type of cramping may begin within six months to a year following menarche (the beginning of menstruation). Menstrual cramps typically are not experienced until ovulatory menstrual cycles (when an egg is released from the ovaries) begin. Menstrual bleeding usually begins before the onset of ovulation. Therefore, an adolescent girl may not experience dysmenorrhea until months to years following the onset of menstruation.

In secondary dysmenorrhea, some underlying abnormal condition (usually involving a woman’s reproductive system) contributes to the menstrual pain. Secondary dysmenorrhea may be evident at menarche, but more often, the condition develops later.

What causes menstrual cramps?

Each month, the inner lining of the uterus (the endometrium) normally builds up in preparation for a possible pregnancy. After ovulation, if the egg is not fertilized by a sperm, no pregnancy will result and the current lining of the uterus is no longer needed. The woman’s estrogen and progesterone hormone levels decline, and the lining of the uterus becomes swollen and is eventually shed as the menstrual flow. It is replaced by a new growth of lining during the next monthly cycle.

When the uterine lining begins to break down, molecular compounds called prostaglandins are released. These compounds cause the muscles of the uterus to contract. When the uterine muscles contract, they constrict the blood supply (vasoconstriction) to the endometrium. This contraction blocks the delivery of oxygen to the tissue of the endometrium which, in turn, breaks down and dies. After the death of this tissue, the uterine contractions squeeze the old endometrial tissue through the cervix and out of the body by way of the vagina. Other substances known as leukotrienes, which are chemicals that play a role in the inflammatory response, are also elevated at this time and may be related to the development of menstrual cramps.

About Royal Rosamond Press

I am an artist, a writer, and a theologian.
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1 Response to Miriam’s Menstrual Doomsdays

  1. Reblogged this on Rosamond Press and commented:

    Miriam Starfish is a psychotic Russian-born Evangelical. She is a born-again killer.

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