Casting

The Royal Janitor

by

Jon Presco

Elizabeth Hurley would make a great Bond. She has flirted with this role for quite awhile. She would jump at the chance to save the world from Czar Von Trumpster – for Queen and Country! No need to hold anything back, or worry about the box office receipts. We will have a famous porn star be Lady Bond’s receptionist, who is under so many NDA’s, it’s near impossible to get an answer out of her.

“Who called?………Sounds like……….? Rex Van Winklesworth called. What did that old curmudgeon want?……….Sounds like……..?

Serena has a young understudy named, Miriam Madeline Christmont, whose parents were back-to-the earth Aryan Jesus Freaks who die in a trailer when the butane tank blows. Miriam is saved when she was lured into her boyfriend’s van to make love for the first time. She will do all the action.

“She’s my virginal bodyguard, my Nordic Pretorian Guard. She was raised as a Wild Child in the woods of Montana. She will bite you if she has to.”

I am looking for a Rena look-alike……………of course!

Peter Czernin produced a movie. I will try to contact him.

Of course I want several walk-ons as the Wise Fisherman. My talking part is in a fancy London bar chatting up a fine looking babe with a net draped on me. Serena does a double take and keeps on talking. I will also be the Boat House Warden who keeps the Royal Speed Boats in tip-top shape. There will be a contest to spot me. When Serena stops for petrol, I saunter out wearing my net and cork floats.

“Filler er up, or, will you be drifting home on the tide?”

The first time she sees him (me) is late at night. Serena has stopped at a red light in her Jaguar, with the top down. At this hour they are usually flashing. She hears this rushing sound. Looking to her right, she sees a man in rain gear coming her way, leaning into the wind, with sheets of rain rolling off of him. Putting his hands to his mouth, he shouts

“Don’t panic Missy. I’ll go get my tugboat and pull you off rocks!”

Serena watches him walk away leaving a good sized puddle behind. She looks up, holds up the palms of her hand, and doesn’t feel a drop! She reaches for something in the ashtray and throws it into the puddle, where it glows for a little while, then, fizzles out. Serena peels rubber down the street.

Finally, I am The Merlin, who keeps lurking about.

“Look out for that one. He carries a crystal ball!”

It was ruled Sea Leprechauns were the Last Cape Horners, whose powerful will to live kept them alive after death, for a little while. And then, they fade away. This is why they are an endangered species prized by Evangelicals that believe in the Rapture.