Capturing Your Own Beauty

“Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation.”

Rena is the Muse of narcissists who will never allow anyone to come between her and her own reflection. She is the Beautiful Narcoleptic in her tower.

Last night I had a dream about Christine. She was very upset her artwork wasn’t worth anything. She concluded this was because she made so much of it, and thus it was not rare. What I offered to do was pretend I am rendering Rosamond-like images, that Christine is actually rendering (from the land of the dead?) and when I become famous, I would be very careful not to make the mistakes she did. Rosamond used herself for about ten of her beautiful images. She had no Muse. She became her own model, and in the end was utterly isolated. Her 276 page autobiography was disappeared.

In regards to my letter to my Muse who surfaces after forty-four years, anybody with an ounce of brains knows my tears were triggered by Rena writing “Rosemond” on the envelope. I wasn’t expecting that. It was like receiving a letter from my dead sister. I shed tears of joy, because here alas was our second chance, the three of us to be creative, side by side again – in the spirit of our Muse. Rena was OUR Muse. My sister and I were famous for our psychic abilities. When we were apart, we were close. If this was a movie, then Rena and her friend would be crying – instead of involving the sheriff in a horror show.

Here was my chance to help Christine by helping Rena – whose letter was a cry for help! This is what Rena hated about my letter the most, my offer of help! This is why she made me out to be the opposite – her abuser! Her abusive father took Rena hostage long ago, and he still holds her as his prisoner – after he is dead. Rena shows another woman my letter. She can’t face her abuser – either – so I am castrated, the Scapegoat, by the She-wolfs on the night a full moon. Fear is an emotion like love and hate. These women had a Fear-fest at my expense. They used me to become afraid and cement their bond. This woman didn’t care if there was something wonderful, coming Rena’s because nothing good is coming her way. I wish I had sent Rena my phone number. I have to live with that huge mistake. I should have sent a short note saying; “Call me!”

In the tearing up of the letters, and the rewriting of them, something gets lost in this fearful translation….I rescued Rena! I came to her rescue – long ago! When I told Dan Mayland this, he became silent.

Anyone who lives such a lonely existence, without any friends, and who invents an imaginary husband, has not faced their father-abuser. It is his tracks Rena sees outside in the snow. It is his ghost who is still stalking her. Rena says she no longer fears her father will rape her, now that she is old. So she rapes me – with the help of her friend. They want to make sure I never forget!

Rena set me up! She lured me in so she could cut her father in proxy, put him out her mind completely – and this time it will really work, for Rena and her friend saw past the devious disguise of a fiend disguised as a gentle artist and poet. Now, they are invincible together ready for anything, and any old abuser will do!

How many other men fell victim to Rena’s fear? Rena used me to help make her feel safe in all the wrong ways. I was a human sacrifice! Rena needs some serious mental help – in the company of other human beings – instead of fellow tweekers. I have to detach until she seeks help.

What Dan Mayland told me about the fate of my letter, should be studied by renowned psychologist, because Rena’s narcissism is off the chart – and in orbit around the earth. She can not recognize the sender of the letter as being a human being with feelings. I am ‘The Intruder Monster’ the fiend who tried to get her to stop looking in that calm pool of water – and look at me! Her reaction tells me I succeeded. This is why she became furious! I must be destroyed, starting with my letter – and the CD I sent her. My identity (façade) must be destroyed and a new one applied. Dan Mayland was used to make the Identity Theft official.

WANTED – KNIGHT STALKER

I actually confess and apologise in one post for my trespass, for making Rena fall in lover with me – knowing she is a married woman! Well, she is not married. She carries the name of Sir Ian Easton. She invented her Phantom Cowboy Hubby for may profound reasons.

1. To be the guard at the gate, her Robby the Robot, her imaginary dildo.
2. To hide the truth she is not pretty anymore and can not be intimate with the human species which I noted was her problem the moment I lay eyes on her. I knew she was a big brain creature, trapped by her beauty as well, her unlimited brain power had wrapped her in layers of facades like an onion. Now she is Red-neck.

What is truly astounding is, as Rena Narcissus stares into the pool of water she recites poems she knows by heart – to herself. The self-love in this, is linear. The world’s most beautiful poems, inspired by ten thousand muses, are just a way for Rena to guage how well her Monster Mind is functioning. She knows she owns a trait very, very, very few people own. Eros and Psyche are sidelined. What does love have to do with it? As her beauty fades, her repertoire grows.

What made Rena fly into a rage was the video of Nisha reading her poem, while I held up the image of my beautiful Muse. We had violated Rena, came between her and her naccistic material. No one can stare into her pool of water, but she. I suggested that we meet on the inspiring common ground of poetry. In Rena’s mind, poems are NOT to be shared in an intimate way, but memorized in a very cold way. She ignores the prose in my letter and turns them into diabolical destruction. When one can not be intimate, then seduction is your mortal enemy. Men are seductive mindless beasts that roam the earth looking for their prey. The penis I the façade they wear. They only want one thing, proof Beauty is incapable of Love.

I am reminded of ‘Forbidden Planet’ and the Monster of the Id. Rena has put on the headset of the Krell and increased the size of her brain so it can hold more poetry. Bozeman looks like a colony on Mars. Now, it comes, out of the Mega Poetry Machine of the Gods

Jon Presco

Copyrright 2014

In a Krell laboratory, Morbius shows Adams and Ostrow a device he calls a “plastic educator”, a device capable of measuring and enhancing intellectual capacity; he uses it to display a three-dimensional, moving thought projection of Altaira. The Bellerophon’s captain tried the machine and was instantly killed. When Morbius first used this machine, he barely survived; he later discovered his intellect had been permanently doubled. His increased intelligence enabled him, along with information from a stored Krell library, to build Robby and the other “technological marvels” in his home. Morbius then takes them on a tour of a vast cube-shaped underground Krell machine complex, 20 miles (30 km) square, still functioning and powered by 9,200 thermonuclear reactors. Afterwards, Adams demands that the fantastic knowledge of the Krell be turned over to Earth supervision, but Morbius refuses, citing the potential danger that Krell technology would pose to mankind if it were to fall into the wrong hands and misused.

In Greek mythology, Narcissus (/nɑrˈsɪsəs/; Greek: Νάρκισσος, Narkissos) was a hunter from the territory of Thespiae in Boeotia who was renowned for his beauty. He was the son of a river god named Cephissus and a nymph named Liriope.[1] He was exceptionally proud of what he did to those who loved him. Nemesis noticed and attracted Narcissus to a pool, wherein he saw his reflection and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus died.[2] Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself.

Then, Narcissus “tired from both his enthusiasm for hunting and from the heat” rests by a spring, and whilst drinking, “a new thirst grows inside him” and he is “captivated by the image of the beauty he has seen” and falls deeply in love with “all the things for which he himself is admired.” He then wastes away with love for himself, echoing the manner in which Echo did earlier on. A while later his body is gone, and in its place is a narcissus flower. The pale flower is still found near river banks so that it can be reflected on the water.

They are likely to live in the world of rational principles, laws, rules, which are all linear. This domain is a realm they feel they can control. It is devoid of feelings. The realm of the heart or feelings is very intimidating and unsafe to them because it is non-linear and there is very little control of the outcomes. If extreme narcissists can overcome these two hurdles then there is much hope for them. They are on their road to healing.

At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy, of course, but this type of narcissism is better termed as responsibly taking care of oneself. It is what I would call “normal” or “healthy” narcissism.

Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation. Narcissists come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. I would like to address how a person becomes an extreme narcissist.

Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. He became emotionally stuck at the time of his major trauma of separation/attachment.

In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted.

The protective insulation barrier he constructed is called a false persona. He created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary.

Some narcissists may have the ability to change into a variety of identities according to the situation. The wounded child inside may choose to present a front as a “bad ass” and tough individual. He may look, by appearance, intimidating and scary to the average person. He could also play the “nice guy/person” whom everyone likes. A corporate type version can be one that is diplomatic, proper, and appearing to care but in reality does not. Another very likeable extreme narcissist can be the one that chooses the comedian role. He is the life of the party and has everyone in stitches, making them laugh constantly. Everyone wants to include this person because they are a lot of fun.

Try to get close or ask personal questions as to how he is internally doing and feeling and you will find is that he will quickly distract you. They will sidestep the question with another joke, making you suddenly forget what you were asking. Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe” and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life.

There is also the success oriented narcissist. She will be your friend and keep you close to her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.

I remember a significant half dozen of these in my life. One narcissist in particular avoids me like the plague because he knows that I do not ultimately plan my life around whether people like me or not. Hence my behavior cannot be controlled by him. He is threatened by my self-assuredness. I’m not safe to him. It does not matter that I have helped him in critical moments of his life. When he realized that he could not control me to make him look good when I was with him, he dropped me like a heavy weight. I received no more phone calls and was taken off his radar screen.

Another extreme narcissist stopped calling me when I got my Ph.D. I believe that, in his insecurity, he could no longer look “better” than me and be the focal person. As a result, he felt threatened that I had a more powerful image than he did. I think it is silly because I do not care about whether people have degrees to validate their intrinsic value as a human being.

In my ministerial past, I have had several colleagues that I considered to be like blood brothers. We had sworn honesty and loyalty to each other. Once I opened up my weaknesses to them and then asked them to reciprocate, they looked for excuses to label me and reject me. The more I pressed them about their lack of being forthcoming and failing at their own promise of commitment to the friendship, the more vehement they became at avoiding disclosure of their warts to me. Of course, I already knew many of their flaws and already had no problem accepting them. Now it was their turn and they shut down and put up the thick wall.

This is what genuine narcissists do. This is sad but it happens all the time with individuals that are scared to go down the road to becoming whole and healthy. It is like going under the knife of a surgeon. When there is a legitimate organic threat as with a malignant tumor, it can be hard to submit to the truth and then the treatment. This, however, is a door to a better life.

Is there hope for an extreme narcissist living in an emotional and relational fort of isolation. Is a narcissist able to have a healthy life? Definitely! I’ve seen many extreme narcissists become extremely healthy in their emotional and relational life. The first step is to find competent and safe help that knows how to heal emotional traumas. Just because a counselor may have all kinds of credentials it does not mean they are competent in dealing effectively with trauma issues. Because extreme narcissists tend to have an early history of emotional wounds they are full of distrust. If they can get past this hurdle then they can begin to find help to heal.

Second, extreme narcissists have to be willing to enter the realm of their feelings again. They have been the masters of covering and hiding, even to themselves. They now have to start uncovering painful wounds. They have taught themselves to stuff and disconnect their own feelings for years. Because of this, they tend to live inside their heads, in the realm of so called reason. They are likely to live in the world of rational principles, laws, rules, which are all linear. This domain is a realm they feel they can control. It is devoid of feelings. The realm of the heart or feelings is very intimidating and unsafe to them because it is non-linear and there is very little control of the outcomes. If extreme narcissists can overcome these two hurdles then there is much hope for them. They are on their road to healing.
•Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
•Take the Narcissistic Personality Quiz