In 1986, Victoria Arnold returned from Sweet Home Oregon after seeing her nephew, Shane, for the first time, only to learn her father, Lt. Colonel Brian C. Arnold, had died. When we buried the Colonel, Vicky took me over to Bill’s grave. We stood on it together, and laughed. Vicky showed me Bill’s missing middle name. Eugenia Arnold took ‘Brian’ out of her son’s name, because it was Brian’s life ambition to leave an indelible mark on his son, he going to great lengths to make sure William Brian Arnold was a chip off the old block – to the point we believed he killed his own son.
Here lie Abraham?
Months before, while living in a bad-ass hotel in downtown Oakland, I saw the movie ‘The Great Santini’. Earlier I was drinking with a very bad-ass black pimp with a scar down his cheek. I was a fearless drunk. I have had guns put to the back of my head, played chess twice for someone’s life, and visited after-hours clubs in West Oakland. I was un-breakable. Some of the most dangerous dudes in the San Francisco bay area did not fuck with me, because I owned an incredible Survivor’s Guilt. This is what the readers saw during my rose reading after I asked;
“Why did I die?”
“You were carrying all this guilt that was not your’s to own. You were in much pain, and had to let that pain go.”
“Where was I when I died?”
“You were on these beautiful rocks by the sea.”
For the last fifteen minutes of ‘The Great Santini’ i could not stop crying, for, here was the Colonel and his troops. Then, there was no more life-drama for me. The good, the bad, the ugly -was finis! There was only one thing to do. I went downstairs in the lobby, called information, and Eugenia answered the phone.
“Oh Greg. I’m so glad you called. Vicky has been trying to get a hold of you for a month. Here is her number. Give her a call.”
I celebrated my birthday with Bill’s sister, and the next day we looked in the black box at objects the Colonel had stored within. After five hours, with tears in her eyes, Vicki pleaded with me to stop killig myself with alcohol. One year later I graduated from the New Hope program at Serenity Lane here in Eugene.
Two years later I look up the meaning of the name Shane. It means ‘John’. Did Bill name his son after me? I looked at the names of my siblings children, Shannon, Sean (Cian) Shannon, and Shamus. Did they subconsciously name their children after Shane? Christine beheld Shane in his crib when he was four months old. These are Irish-Ulster names. Shamus is James, or Jacob ‘The Supplanter’ who ended up usurping Esau in the Red Thread narratives. interesting.
In the movie Shane, there is a famous goodbye. In discussing with Vicky the powerful evidence that our beloved Bill took his ow life, there were several goodbyes written in Bill’s hand. This scene, and in the name Bill chose for the son he left behind, we have Bill’s last message to those loved him dearly.
“I have to go. I have been mortally wounded!”
When my daughter degraded me, she took delight I had not served in the military, and this was proof I was a “parasite” I was drafted in 1966, and was going to Vietnam. I went for my final physical, and asked to see the Army Shrink. I told him I am the survivor of a Army Brat whose father drove him to suicide. for this reason I will neve conform to the military life, and will end up in the brig for many years.
“My life is in your hands!”
Recognizing I suffer from PTSD and Survivor’s Guilt, thus am I fearless and suicidal, he classified me 4F.
I consider Bill’s suicide a protest against the war in Vietnam. There is a powerful anti-gun message! Noter the similarity of the moutains in Shane (Wyoming) to the mountains that loom over Ogden Utah where Shane was concieved.
To those who say they love me, if you haven’t already noticed, my beloved grandson is liken to Bill, and he is the boy, Shane, that God gave me so that I will never be that lonely again. I will not fight anyone for my grandson. Instead, I will author one of the most overwhelming beautiful stories ever told, that will surround those who have captured and taken my grandson, lift him out of their dark drunken dungeon, and bring him back into my life – forever!
My book ‘Capturing Beauty’ will be dedicated to Shane Arnold and Tyler Hunt, Bill’s son, and my grandson.
He asks him outright if he shot the swan, and the lad boasts that if it flies, he can hit it (“Im Fluge treff’ ich was fliegt!”) Gurnemanz asks what harm the swan had done, and shows the youth its lifeless body. Now remorseful, the young man breaks his bow, casting it aside. Gurnemanz asks him why he is here, who is his father, how he found this place and, lastly, his name. To each question the lad replies, “I don’t know.” The elder Knight sends his squires away to help the king and now asks the boy to tell what he does know. The young man says he has a mother, Herzeleide, and that he made the bow himself.
Shane is a masculine given name. It is an Anglicised version of the Irish name Seán, which itself is cognate to the name John. Shane comes from the way the name Seán is pronounced in the Ulster dialect of the Irish language, as opposed to Shaun or Shawn.
Shane is also a popular surname with the prefix “Mc”, “Mac”, or “O'”, to form Anglicized Irish surname patronyms. The surname was first recorded in Petty’s census of Ireland (1659), which lists a Dermot McShane (i.e. Son of Shane).
The name Shane became popular through the novel Shane (1949) by Jack Schaefer and its movie adaptation (1953), directed by George Stevens from a screenplay by A.B. Guthrie Jr..
Shane is sometimes used as a feminine given name, derived not from the Irish name but from the Yiddish name Shayna, meaning “beautiful”.
John is a masculine given name in the English language. The name is derived from the Latin Ioannes, Iohannes, which is in turn a form of the Greek Ἰωάννης, Iōánnēs. This Greek name is a form of the Hebrew name יוֹחָנָן, Yôḥanan, which means “Graced by Yahweh”. There are numerous forms of the name in different languages.
It is among the most common given names in Anglophone and European countries; traditionally, it was the most common, although it has not been since the latter half of the 20th century. John owes its unique popularity to the vast number of Emperors, Kings, Popes and Patriarchs that have borne the name, and also to two highly revered saints, John the Baptist and the apostle John, who wrote the Book of Revelation. Initially, it was a favorite name among the Greeks but it flourished in all of Europe after the First Crusade.
Seán (Ulster dialect spelling Séan) is an Irish language name. It is Irish borrowing of the Norman French Jehan (see Jean). Anglicisations of the name include Sean, Shane, Shayne, Shaine, Shan, Shon, Shaun, and Shawn. The name Shane comes from the Ulster pronunciation of the name, whereas the names Shaun, Shawn, or Sean come from the way it is pronounced in Munster, Leinster, and Connacht.
In 1066, the Norman duke, William the Conqueror conquered England, where the Norman French name Jehan / Johan (pronounced [dʒɛˈan]) came to be pronounced Jonn, and spelled John. The Norman from the Welsh Marches, with the Norman King of England’s mandate conquered Ireland in the 1170s. The Irish nobility was replaced by Norman nobles, some of whom bore the Norman French name Johan or the Anglicised name John. The Irish adapted the name to their own pronunciation and spelling, producing the name Seán. Sean is commonly pronounced Shawn (Seán), but in the northern parts of Ireland (owing to a northern dialect), it is pronounced “Shan”, “Shen” or “Shayn” (Séan, with the accent on the e instead of the a), thus leading to the variant Shane.
Shannon (“wise river”) is an Irish unisex name, Anglicised from Sionainn. Alternative spellings include Shannen, Shanon, Shannan, Seanan, and Siannon. The variant Shanna is an Anglicisation of Sionna (“possessor of wisdom”).
Sionainn is an Irish portmanteau of sion (wise) and abhainn (river). This is the Irish name for the River Shannon. Because the suffix ain indicates a diminutive in Irish, the name is sometimes mistranslated as “little wise one”.
The name Sionainn alludes to Sionna, a goddess in Irish mythology whose name means “possessor of wisdom”. She is the namesake and matron of Sionainn, the River Shannon. Sionainn is the longest river in the British Isles.
Sionainn is one of seven rivers of knowledge said to flow from Connla’s Well, the well of wisdom in the Celtic Otherworld (the realm of the dead). Nine sacred hazel (or, by some accounts, rowan) trees grow near the well, and drop their bright red fruit in it and on the ground. In the well live the Salmon of Knowledge, whose wisdom comes from eating this fruit. By eating the fruit or one of the salmon, one can share in this wisdom.
In the United States, the name first became common after 1940, but only as a female name. During the 1970s, American parents began to confer the name on boys and girls alike. It was during this time that the name’s popularity peaked in the United States. In the 1990 United States Census, Shannon was the 317th most common name for American males.
After Shannon became a popular unisex name in the United States, Irish parents, too, began to give newborn boys this name.
Séamus Irish pronunciation: [ˈʃeɪməs], is a male first name of Celtic origin. It is the Gaelic equivalent of the name James. The name James is the English New Testament variant for the Hebrew name Jacob. It entered the Irish and Scottish Gaelic languages from the French variation of the late Latin name for Jacob, Iacomus; a dialect variant of Iacobus, from the New Testament Greek Ἰάκωβος (Iákōvos), and ultimately from Hebrew word יעקב (Yaʻaqov), i.e. Jacob. Its meaning in Hebrew is “one who supplants” or more literally “one who grabs at the heel”. When the Hebrew patriarch Jacob was born, he was grasping his twin brother Esau’s heel.
Variant spellings include Séamas, Seumus, Shaymus, Sheamus and Shamus. Diminutives include Séimí, Séimín and Séamaisín. In the United States, the name “Shamus”, of Yiddish origin, is sometimes used as a slang word for private detective.
Tyler is an English (old English) word which means door keeper of an inn. It is also thought to be a derived occupational name derived from “tiler”, one who makes tiles. It is used both as a surname, and as given name for both genders. Among the earliest recorded use of the surname is from the 14th century; Wat Tyler of Kent, South East England.
lt or syndrome is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not. It may be found among survivors of combat, natural disasters, epidemics, among the friends and family of those who have committed suicide, and in non-mortal situations such as among those whose colleagues are laid off. The experience and manifestation of survivor’s guilt will depend on an individual’s psychological profile. When the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM-IV) was published, survivor guilt was removed as a recognized specific diagnosis, and redefined as a significant symptom of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Survivor guilt was first identified during the 1960s. Several therapists recognized similar if not identical conditions among Holocaust survivors. Similar signs and symptoms have been recognized in survivors of traumatic situations including combat, natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and wide-ranging job layoffs. A variant form has been found among rescue and emergency services personnel who blame themselves for doing too little to help those in danger, and among therapists, who may feel a form of guilt in the face of their patients’ suffering.
Sufferers sometimes blame themselves for the deaths of others, including those who died while rescuing the survivor or whom the survivor tried unsuccessfully to save.
 Survivor syndrome
Survivor syndrome, also called concentration camp syndrome, or called KZ syndrome on account of the German term Konzentrationslager, are terms which have been used to describe the reactions and behaviors of people who have survived massive and adverse events, such as the Holocaust, the Rape of Nanking, and the HIV/AIDS epidemic. They are described as having a pattern of characteristic symptoms including anxiety and depression, social withdrawal, sleep disturbance and nightmares, physical complaints and emotional lability with loss of drive. Commonly such survivors feel guilty that they have survived the trauma and others—such as their family, friends, and colleagues—did not.
Both conditions, along with other descriptive syndromes covering a range of traumatic events are now subsumed under posttraumatic stress disorder.
 Social responses
This section requires expansion. (November 2008)
Sufferers may with time divert their guilt into helping others deal with traumatic situations. They may describe or regard their own survival as insignificant. Survivors who feel guilty sometimes suffer self-blame and clinical depression.
Early disaster response and grief therapy methods both attempt to prevent survivor guilt from arising. Where it is already present, therapists attempt to recognize the guilt and understand the reasons for its development. Next, a therapist may present a sufferer with alternative, hopeful views on the situation. The emotional damage and trauma is then recognized, released and treated. With growing self-confidence the survivor’s guilt may be relieved, and the survivor may come to understand that the traumatic event was the result of misfortune, not of the survivor’s actions. Once able to view himself or herself as a sufferer, not one who caused suffering, the survivor can mourn and continue with life.
Waylon Jennings was a guitarist for Buddy Holly’s band and initially had a seat on the ill-fated aircraft on The Day the Music Died. But Jennings gave up his seat to the sick J.P. “Big Bopper” Richardson, only to learn later of the plane’s demise. When Holly learned that Jennings was not going to fly, he said, “Well, I hope your ol’ bus freezes up.” Jennings responded, “Well, I hope your ol’ plane crashes.” This exchange of words, though made in jest at the time, haunted Jennings for the rest of his life. Jennings, who later became a country music star, expressed survivor’s guilt about Richardson’s death.
Holocaust survivor Primo Levi, haunted by his experiences in Auschwitz, explored his own survivor’s guilt extensively in his autobiographical books, notably in I sommersi e i salvati (The Drowned and the Saved). His death was reportedly a suicide, and towards the end of his life he suffered from depression, possibly induced by his experiences.
 References in popular culture
The 1979 novel Sophie’s Choice and the subsequent movie feature a Polish Holocaust survivor who had to choose which one of her two young children was allowed to survive.
In the 1980 film, Ordinary People, based on the novel of the same name, Conrad Jarrett is a young man who struggles with surviving a sailing accident which killed his older brother. As Jarrett realizes that he is angry at his brother’s recklessness, he confronts the very cause of his problems and begins to accept his own survival had nothing to do with his brother’s death.
In the video game American Mcgee’s Alice, and the sequel game, Alice: Madness Returns the protagonist, Alice Liddell enters an imaginary world (Wonderland) turned malicious by her guilt of surviving the fire that killed her parents and sister.
In the Modern Warfare 3: Hardened Edition it is stated in John “Soap” Mactavish’s journal that he took up smoking after feeling survivor’s guilt over what happened to Gaz and Griggs.
Rise Against’s album Endgame contains a song entitled “Survivor Guilt”.
In Doctor Who, the Ninth Doctor spends a full season enduring survivor’s guilt after the destruction of his people, the Time Lords, at the end of the Time War.[episode needed]
In the musical Les Misérables Marius Pontmercy sings “Empty Chairs At Empty Tables” which contains lines such as, “Oh my friends, my friends – forgive me, that I live and you are gone. There’s a grief that can’t be spoken. There’s a pain goes on and on.”
In several episodes ALF, Gordon “ALF” Shumway experiences survivor guilt since he and a few of his Melmacian friends, including his girlfriend, were the sole survivors after Melmac exploded.
Julia Hoban’s book Willow explores the survivor guilt of a sixteen-year-old girl whose parents died in a car crash where she was driving. Despite the fact her parents knew she didn’t have her license and the weather conditions caused the accident, she feels as if the accident was her fault and that she shouldn’t have survived, resulting in her participating in self-harm.
Multiple characters in the BioWare science fiction game series Mass Effect express feelings of survivor guilt including Ashley Williams, Garrus Vakarian, and even Shepard him/herself if the Sole Survivor background is chosen at character creation.
In the Family Ties episode, “My Name is Alex”, Alex Keaton sees a psychiatrist about his survivor guilt after his friend is killed in a car accident, in part because his friend was running an errand that Alex declined to help him with.
In the “Honest Hearts” downloadable content for Fallout:New Vegas, it is indicated through the journal entries of mentioned-only character named Randall Clark that he suffers from survivor’s guilt after the deaths of his wife and son.
The Japanese war film Otoko-tachi no Yamato briefly touches upon survivor’s guilt, when the main character Katsumi Kamio returns to Japan after the Yamato is sunk, along with nearly all of her crew of 7,000. Kamio visits the mother of one of his dead friends and shipmates to tell her about her son’s death, not believing her son is dead she calls him a liar and then says “How dare you be one to survive” before walking off. The day after she finds him working in the rice field, he kneels before her and begs her forgiveness for being “the only one left”. In response to this she drops to her knees and begs his forgiveness for what she said to him.h
The Japanese visual novel Fate/Stay Night focuses on the protagonist, Shirou Emiya, who suffers from survivor’s guilt after being saved in a catastrophic fire as a child. The story follows how this has warped his perception of morality and his single-minded pursuit of justice as a result and the consequences of leading such a life.