“Aunt Linda peed her pants and made a funny joke.”
This was in response to my daughter, Heather Hanson, saying;
“Linda was very pleased with Tyler and wants Bill and I to bring her a baby girl next time we come.”
What Heather is saying, is, Linda wants my daughter and Bill Cornwell to have durnken sexual intercourse out of wedlock and born a baby girl for rich aunt Linda who made this un-married couple a business offer. Five months later Bill called me up and said;
“I’m a traditional kind of guy.”
Hmmm! This is not quite; “I want your daughter’s hand in marriage. We want children. We want to make you a grandfather.”
I assume telling me Linda wants another baby to go with my grandson, is to let me know they are engaged to get married, and, aren’t i lucky to be the grandfather of another child, a girl-child no less, because this is what rich aunt Linda wants and thus, deserves, because she has no children or grandchildren, and never will.
I never got to know Linda while I was in Bullhead City, like Bill did, because I am not a drinking man. Heather and her mother used the title ‘Gold Digger’ to describe how Linda came to own a whole lot of money. She married a wealthy retired attorney in his seventies when she was in her forties. Was he too old to sire children? Why didn’t Linda have a child before she married the old codger. Heather showed me pictures of their dogs and said Linda said these were their children.
When Heather got pregnant by Ryan Hunt, Linda wanted Heather to get an abortion. She hated Ryan. She believed he was not good enough for her niece. They had a falling out that lasted years. This is why Linda did not meet Ryan’s son until he was six, going on seven. Linda never met me, Tyler’s grandfather, whom she knew was sober. This is to say she was not on good footing with Tyler’s father and grandfather. She had to fear my sober opinion of her when we met – alas – because this woman is a polished consumer of alcoholic beverages. ‘Happy Hour’ is her middle name.
At Linda’s home, wondering why there was giant Buddhist shrine in the middle of her living room, I asked my daughter if I could see photos of her in Linda’s albums. She brought out two of them. Linda ‘Happy Hour’ was the center of attention at many narcissistic gatherings where everyone held a cocktail glass in their hand. If Bugsy Berkley were alive and looking for a theme for his new movie here it was – HAPPY HOUR!
HAPPY HOUR is about a group of San Diego Republicans who band together and swear an oath that even though the world economy has collapsed due to subprime greed, they will not demonstrate the worse for wear as one by one they fall into poverty. They will pretend they are still in the money!
“Hold high your little cocktail weenies, girls and let the world hear the chinking of your matiricni glasses as we salute the good ol Gold digging Days!”
Two weeks before we left to see the aunts in Bullhead City, Heather told me this;
“I’m lowering mu expectations, Dad. I no longer want to be a world famous singer. I want to sing in small clubs.”
I knew this remark had something to do with her new boyfriend, Bill Cornwell, who made my daughter his Money Go Getter, it her job to find sponsors for his race car that my grandson loves. I’m sure aunt Linda was the first person to hit-up for money, because Linda was left a load of what it takes to get along when her aged hubby died. Linda knowing a fellow Gold Digger when she saw one, saw an opportunity to bond my daughter to her – for life! Because you can not take it with you, Linda only had Heather to look at as her Heir. She could leave it to her dogs, but, why not get some power over others while still alive. I mean, what is money for?
When Bill called me five months later he alas filled me in on the plan. He told me he and Heather were going to open a Bar & Grill. I believe this idea is Linda’s idea. Heather told me she wanted to move to Bullhead City, but, Ryan is against it because he would not be able to see his son that much. add to this the real possibility I would not approve of my daughter going into business with Big Drinkers, because, this could be a partnership made in hell. For this reason I was not told THE MAIN REASON WHY Bill and Heather were going to Bullhead city. Did Linda tell my daughter to keep it a secret? Did Linda understand having mu daughter keep a big secret from me about a family matter would empower he over me in a destructive way? Linda was also employing a big carrot on a stick. Bill and Heather were hungry for money! What was in the way was my twenty five years of sobriety and the love between I and my grandson. Bill and Linda understood my daughter did not love me, because it only took a hint of money for her to betray me, work with these strangers to undermine me and my trip to Bullhead City to save my family, and unite both families. The only plan Linda made for me, was to babysit Tyler at the Avi while THE PARTNERS got drunk in a bar and discussed bar business.
When Bill drove into my sister’s driveway, he had a secret plan on how to hide the giant pee-stain in the back seat where I traditionally sat on this trip. When I left my sister’s home and went to get in the back, Bill blocked me while he opened the front door, saying;
It’s time for you to sit up front and be honored!”
Bill had treated me like he didnt want me along on this trip that Vicki Presco paid for, and I have video on my phone to prove it. Why the sudden change of heart. I told Bill in makin plans for this trip that he would drive us back to Vegas. Bill said;
“The reason I am not driving is because I have a warrant in Nevada for speeding.”
After I dropped Bill, Heather, and Tyler off at their terminal and returned the rental, I notice the giant pee-stain in the seat Bill sat in on the way to Vegas. As soon as I post this, I will be calling the Nevada State Troopers to see if there is a warrant. I will also being calling Southwest airline to see if my daughter changed her ticket days before she left for our Family Reunion.
As for Tyler, I will ask a California Court if I can communicate and visit my grandson through his father who can be questioned as to what other secrets Heather the ‘Gold Digger’ has been manufacturing behind my back. I have posted on Family Secrets before.
Need I say a Gold Digger is a “parasite” as is her lover who lives off the money left the Gold Digger by her late husband.
The photos were taken of L
A woman who manipulates men to benifit from their labor, skills, or money without compensation. Often highly narcistic exhibiting little compassion and thankfulness.
a person, usually a woman, who marries for money.
The “gold diggers” are four aspiring actresses: Polly the ingenue, Carol the torch singer, Trixie the comedienne, and Fay the glamour puss.
The film was made in 1933 during the Great Depression and contains numerous direct references to it. It begins with a rehearsal for a stage show, which is interrupted by the producer’s creditors who close down the show because of unpaid bills.
At the unglamorous apartment shared by three of the four actresses (Polly, Carol, and Trixie), the producer, Barney Hopkins (Ned Sparks), is in despair because he has everything he needs to put on a show, except money. He hears Brad Roberts (Dick Powell), the girls’ neighbor and Polly’s boyfriend, playing the piano. Brad is a brilliant songwriter and singer who not only has written the music for a show, but also offers Hopkins $15,000 in cash to back the production. Of course, they all think he’s pulling their legs, but he insists that he’s serious – he’ll back the show, but he refuses to perform in it, despite his talent and voice.
Brad comes through with the money and the show goes into production, but the girls are suspicious that he must be a criminal since he is cagey about his past, and will not appear in the show, even though he is clearly more talented than the aging juvenile lead they have hired. It turns out, however, that Brad is in fact a millionaire’s son whose family does not want him associating with the theatre. On opening night, in order to save the show when the juvenile (Clarence Nordstrom) can’t perform (due to his lumbago acting up), Brad is forced to play the lead role.
With the resulting publicity, Brad’s brother, J. Lawrence Bradford and the family lawyer, Fanuel H. Peabody discover what he is doing, and arrive in New York to prevent him from being seduced by “gold diggers”. Their goal is to break up the romance between Brad and Polly.
e’s no question that family secrets are destructive. But it matters mightily when and how you reveal them. Resist the temptation to handle them at transition times such as weddings, graduations, and new beginnings.
As a family therapist, I’m a professional secret-keeper. I’m often ~the very first person with whom someone risks telling a longheld secret. Several decades of guiding people struggling with secrets have taught me that they have an awesome if paradoxical power to unite people–and to divide them.
From government conspiracies to couples having affairs, secrets permeate every level of society. Secrets have existed throughout time, but the nature of secrets has recently changed in our society. Today’s families face special dilemmas about secrecy, privacy, silence, and openness.
We live in a culture whose messages about secrecy are truly confounding. If cultural norms once made shameful secrets out of too many events in human life, we are now struggling with the reverse: the assumption that telling secrets–no matter how, when, or to whom–is morally superior to keeping them and that it is automatically healing. My own experience, however, has shown me that telling secrets in the wrong way or at the wrong time can be remarkably painful–and destructive.
The questions we need to concern ourselves with are: When should I keep a secret? How do I tell a secret without hurting anyone? How do I know the time is right? I’ve learned the answers as I’ve witnessed–sometimes with terror, more often with joy, and always with deep respect–families making the courageous journey from secrecy to openness.
Secrets are kept or opened for many complex motives, from self-serving abuses of power to altruistic protection of others. Understanding the best ways and situations in which to reveal a family secret can help you decide when and how to do so.
HOW SECRETS SABOTAGE
Although we encounter secrets in every area of life, they are perhaps most destructive when kept in the home. Families are support systems; our identity and ability to form close relationships with others depend upon the trust and communication we feel with loved ones. If family members keep secrets from each other–or from the outside world–the emotional fallout can last a lifetime.
There are four main ways that family secrets shape and scar us:
o they can divide family members, permanently estranging them;
o they can discourage individuals from sharing information with anyone outside the family, inhibiting formation of intimate relationships;
o they can freeze development at crucial points in life, preventing the growth of self and identity;
o they can lead to painful miscommunication within a family, causing unnecessary guilt and doubt.
A person who seeks to undo the damage caused by family secrets must accept that revealing a secret is not a betrayal but a necessity Luckily, as you’ll see, it’s never too late to do so.
SHATTERING THE TRIANGLE
Not all secrets are destructive. Many are essential to establishing bonds between two people. When siblings keep secrets from their parents, for example, they attain a sense of independence and a feeling of closeness. But the creation of any secret between two people in a family actually forms a triangle: it always excludes–and therefore involves–another.
When family members suspect that important information is being withheld from them, they may pursue the content of the secret in ways that violate privacy. A mother reads her daughter’s diary. A husband rifles through his wife’s purse. Relationships corrode with suspicion. Conversely, family members may respond to a secret with silence and distance, which affect areas of life that have nothing to do with the secret.
Either way, the secret wedges a boulder between those who know it and those who don’t. To remove this obstacle, families must break the triangle formation.
Molly Bradley first called me during what should have been a joyous time. She had recently given birth. Her happiness, however, was bittersweet. Molly felt a deep need to surround herself with family but hadn’t spoken to her brother, Calvin, in six years. The reason, I discovered, reached back 30 years to a secret made by Molly’s mother.
When Molly, Calvin, and their youngest sister, Annie, were teenagers, their grandmother committed suicide. Molly and Annie were told she died from a heart attack. Only Calvin, the eldest, knew the truth. His mother made him promise not to tell. His sisters sensed a mystery, but if they asked about their grandmother, their mother switched topics.
Making secrets soon became the family’s modus vivendi. Their aunt committed suicide two years after their grandmother’s death. Calvin fathered a child out of wedlock. Each secret was kept from Molly and Annie, amplifying the family pattern of secrecy Calvin grew distant from his sisters, their relationship weakened by mistrust. Eventually, Molly guessed the truth of her grandmother’s death but, in her family’s style, told only Annie. Secrets between Calvin and his mother were matched by those between Molly and Annie, tightening family alliances.
From the outside, the family looked like two close pairs–Calvin and his mother, Molly and Annie. But the pairs were actually triangles; Calvin and his mother distanced themselves from the girls with their secret, forming one triangle, while Molly and Annie, keeping their own secrets from the rest of the family, formed another.