Starfish Aftersave Lotion

The Royal Janitor

by

John Presco

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Professor John Von John called Victoria from BAD, the Bohemian Art Department building located down by the MscKenzie river.

:Turn on Cox News! They got Starfish selling her Christian product…Aftersave Lotion! They must have put face-putty in her to hide her Drone Dueling scars. She looks – so fresh – like when I first saw her at the Schnitzer gallery.”

“Today is the tenth anniversary of the supreme court ruling giving Gay people the right to get married. You claim you were a married Lesbian – who saw the light – and you created this scented lotion to remind yourself you have…….been saved?”

“I was saved when I was seven, but I was lured into a unsavory lifestyle by my beautiful boss, who I didn’t know was a Lesbian. I was desperate to be – saved again. The formula came to me in a dream. I made the first batch on my stove. When I smelled the heavenly aroma, I fell to my knees and cried. I was in joyful ecstasy at fund Jesus again! I keep small bottles of Aftersave around the house, in my medicine cabinet, and even in my refrigerator. When I went somewhere with my friends, and would refresh my liberation from all sin in their presence, they had to have….what I got! Thank you Jesus!”

“It is being reported the people you saved with Aftersave – never went to church, or read the Bible. They spelled the rosy scent – and went straight to SAVED!”

“Holy shit!” said the professor. She invented a new religion, and solved the problem the Christian church has had since Jesus went to heaven – a second time!:

“What are you talking about?” asked Victoria in shock, she fighting back tears at being utterly betrayed, and forsaken by……her crazy-ass wife.

“I’m talking about where Jesus went – after he died! Many Christians are required to go to Bible study, and many get saved. However, they get UN-SAVED in this question. Jesus went to hell, but he wasn’t tormented. There was a special door made just for him – to Paradise. He was dressed like an emperor with a papal-like crown. His followers felt he was their equal – and now they were led into a torturous trap. Some said he was Satan, and left the church. Stafish has provided an elixir, a lotion, the new Baptism! What a fucking genius! She’s selling protection from the evil ones of Hades – until Jesus comes for them, opens the door – and let’s them in!”

“My God. She is selling the proof you have been saved. Millions of men – pretend they have been saved just to please the Christian women in their lives.

“Where are you going, dear?”

” To Hobby Lobby to get some more flasks of …….Aftersave For Men!”

“You don’t have to tell me you alas saw the light. I can smell you have. Is that the – Peter by the Sea scent? Hmmmm!”

According to Christian belief, after Jesus died, his soul went to Hades (also referred to as Sheol in the Old Testament), the realm of the dead. However, it’s important to note that this wasn’t a place of torment for Jesus, but a temporary holding place for souls awaiting resurrection and judgment. Some interpretations suggest Jesus’s soul went to a specific part of Hades called paradise, where the righteous dead were held.