HER!

Here is Chapter One from my novel ‘Capturing Beauty’ titled ‘Her’. The photos I speak of will be posted when I get my other computer out of the shop. There was a viral attack!

At the bottom is a discription of the Narcsistic Personality. When I went for a psychic reding in 1987, SHE attacked the pretty young woman who was about to read me. When the guide in the back of the room asked what was wrong, she said this, with her eyes closed;

“It’s his mother. She is right here – in my face! She is in a rage. She does not want this reading!”

The guide said;

“Put up a shield of white light. Make that two!”

It is safe to say my mother does not want you to read this post, even though she has been dead for sixteen years. Reader – BEWARE!

Jon Presco

Copyright 2013

* * *

Soon after meeting my daughter for the first time, I became aware there was a contest going on between Heather’s mother and aunt to see who would exert the greatest influence on this sixteen year old. I wondered why Patrice allowed this contest to go on, and came to the conclusion this mother was powerless, and Heather was in control. Indeed, my daughter was playing these sisters, using them to her own ends. If she felt one sister was weakening her position, she went to the other for reinforcement. As long as Heather was empowered, and successfully deceived her mother and aunt into believing they both had the greater influence, then there was peace in the Hanson family that like the Presco family is a Narcissistic family.

Below is an enlightening article on the Narcissistic Personality. Not only is it the key that unlocks the door to the cell I was born in, but provides a blue print to the elaborate prison all members of my family have been captured in, along with most people we formed close a bond with. With this map, I can locate the entrance to this hell, and thus the exit. But, more then this, I have found the Main Stage where the incredible Narcissistic Dramas have been acted out with an expertise that puts most great actors, to shame.

With the push of the button on my remote I can playback the most confounding and mindboggling scenes that swirled around me, most of my life. I am no longer puzzled as to why certain things were said in a cryptic manner. The four Presco Children were like caged animals prodded by the Ringmaster – who did not need a whip? A certain look, and certain lethal words, got us to sit up and beg for mercy.

There were secrets galore that had to be juggled like whirling plates on a long stick. All the old lies had to be constantly refreshed, made even more intricate lest this house of cards come tumbling down. We were put in a maze, and she made sure only she could get us out of it. She captured us.

Last night Marilyn called me. We were sweethearts in High School. We are dear friends to this day. I described the photograph I had been studying for days. It was taken on the front lawn of the Glendon house in West Los Angeles. Uncle Vinnie had bought this Spanish style home for his nieces and nephews to live in. In hindsight, I don’t think Vinnie wanted Rosemary to live with us, even though she was our mother. This should give you a big clue something was terribly wrong in Rosemary’s abode.

I told Marilyn this photo was taken days after we ended our two year love affair. I know this because there is a cast on my hand, and it is Easter Sunday. On Friday, Marilyn betrayed me after she met a twenty four year old German Jet-Setter in a nightclub. He drove a 1957 Thunderbird, and had money. She confessed on Saturday that they had slept together which caused me to hit the wall between the window and the door. Big mistake! Marilyn was seventeen. It was our dream to go to Paris and live. That dream was now shattered.

This is what I said to Marilyn about this photo;
“I finally get it, finally see what you saw. I am a very handsome young man.”
“Tell me about it!” Marilyn responded in a voice that added the truth I was a very sexy man, and there was no one like me. She saw me from a distance, and had to have me.
“You would not know to look at me, but I am a virgin. I believe I remained a virgin, because, if Rosemary detected I had intercourse, she would have to have me that much more.”
“You’re mother had an insidious hold on you. She worked you. Got her claws in you, and would not let go. She really fucked you up so you would be no good for anyone but her.”
“But you tried to save me, and break her hold. You went into the house to confront her. You were fifteen when she grabbed hold of your hair and slapped your face as she growled;
“No one tells me how to raise my son!”

“Do you remember?” said this sixty-six year old man.
“How could I ever forget!” said this sixty-five year old woman.

* * *

Heather Hanson was born on Rosemary’s birthday. Above is a photo of my beautiful daughter wearing the cocktail dress her aunt Linda Comstock handed down to her? We are in the house of my surviving sister, Vicki Presco. This is our second attempt to put our family back together after the death of our famous sister who is central in my autobiography ‘Capturing Beauty’. Christine’s two daughters are no happy how Christine’s artistic legacy was handled. Two terrible biographies were written, and two screenplays. All four endeavors missed the mark. They failed to find Rosemary’s Cruel Stage. Then there is Victor’s Cruel Stage.

Both of my parents were Narcissists who competed with each other for Narcissistic Material till the day the died. After failing to discover the Stage of Cruel Vanity, all members of my family, and those they bonded with thought themselves to be extremely clever when they ruled it was all my fault their lives did not make any sense, and did not work for them. After all, I was handsome, gifted, and sexy. But, I had gone insane. It was from me everyone got their mental illness because I was Rosemary’s favorite child.

In hindsight I can see the Rosy Ringmaster using an electric prod on everyone I loved, and was loved by, in order to get them to say I am the contaminated one, the deluded monster that no one should pay any attention to. This was my punishment for coming to Christine’s rescue after Rosemary slapped my sister around, and pulled out two fistfuls of her hair.

When I last saw ‘The Monster’ as Christine called her the next day. I asked he why she was so violent with her eldest daughter.
“I caught her in bed with Larry.”
Christine and Larry got married and born Rosemary a granddaughter, Shannon Sidel, who bested Rosemary as an adult, when she seduced her granfather, had her way with hin after they drank together. So says Victor, who I will address in the next chapter titled ‘HIM’.

In Rosemary’s house, Christine and I were not to engage in sex. We were not allowed to be sexual beings. The men Christine bonded with blamed me for my sister’s sexual hang-ups. Why? Because the truth is very frightening – and unbelievable! Only when you have read the essay below, will you see the true picture, and be set free.

I was around twelve when Rosemary told me she had a scholarship to Camarillo State Hospital. She had met the head psychiatrist who saw the Cruel Narcissistic Stage lurking in this beautiful young woman who had three beauftul sisters, and a beusitulf mother. What became of Rosy’s father?

The greatest fear our mother had was that Christine would end up in bed with my best friend, Bill Arnold. But, this may not be the truth. Who did this Mad Mother see in bed with her daughter when she came home from work that day?

Yesterday, I studied the hansome young man in the photo, and thought about my daughter, who did not grow up with her father, just her fake Daddies. For this reason we did not form a unbreakable bond. Indeed, I became a threat to my Narcissistic daughter who was born on Rosemary’s birthday.

Heather did not tell me she was going to Bullhead city to form a business partnership with Linda, her lover, Flip, and her new boyfriend, Bill Cornwell – who was born on my father’s birthday. These drinking folks made a plan to open a Cocktail Lounge that serves food, cooked by Flip. Linda would be the hostess as she was for her rich husband who left her much money after he died. My daughter was going to be THE ACT. Heather Hostess would go to the mike now and then and belt out a song or two like she did when her mother took her to bars to sing Karaoke.

Heather and her new lover saw the whole stage that I saw in part. This made them feel powerful, in control, as I wondered what the fuck was going on. These two love birds made sure I never got center stage, or in the limelight. I was blinded – decieved!

The day after I met my daughter for first time, we went to a bar where this sixteen year old child sang for me. She chose ‘My Heart Belongs To Daddy’. I sat there in shock working on my fake smile as my mind shouted;
“What a bunch of bullshit! Hello…Rosemary!”

To my dismay I realized this event, was not about US, but about……….HER!

I looked over at Heather’s mother who had found her bliss once more. She couldn’t wait for the song to be over so the drunks and barflies could come up and give her daughter a big hug. A big beefy guy high on scotch whisky came up to Patrice, and asked;

“How did your daughter get so talented at such a young age?”

“I guess she gets it from me.” Patrice beamed, her big teethy smile lighting up the room.

* * *

Question:
What are the effect that narcissistic parents have on their offspring?
Answer:
At the risk of over-simplification: narcissism tends to breed narcissism – but only a minority of the children of narcissistic parents become narcissists. This may be due to a genetic predisposition or to different life circumstances (like not being the firstborn). But MOST narcissists have one or more narcissistic parents or caregivers.
The narcissistic parent regards his or her child as a multi-faceted Source of Narcissistic Supply. The child is considered and treated as an extension of the narcissist. It is through the child that the narcissist seeks to settle “open scores” with the world. The child is supposed to realise the unfulfilled dreams, wishes, and fantasies of the narcissistic parent.
This “life by proxy” can develop in two ways: the narcissist can either merge with his child or be ambivalent about him. The ambivalence is the result of a conflict between the narcissist’s wish to attain his narcissistic goals through the child and his pathological (destructive) envy of the child and his accomplishments.
To ameliorate the unease bred by this emotional ambivalence, the narcissistic parent resorts to a myriad of control mechanisms. These can be grouped into: guilt-driven (“I sacrificed my life for you…”), counter-dependent (“I need you, I cannot cope without you…”), goal-driven (“We have a common goal which we can and must achieve”) and explicit (“If you do not adhere to my principles, beliefs, ideology, religion, values, if you do not obey my instructions – I will punish you”).
This exercise of control helps to sustain the illusion that the child is a part of the narcissist. But maintaining the illusion calls for extraordinary levels of control (on the part of the parent) and obedience (on the part of the child). The relationship is typically symbiotic and emotionally turbulent.
The child fulfils another important narcissistic function – the provision of Narcissistic Supply. There is no denying the implied (though imaginary) immortality in having a child. The early (natural) dependence of the child on his caregivers, serves to assuage their fear of abandonment.
The narcissist tries to perpetuate this dependence, using the aforementioned control mechanisms. The child is the ultimate Secondary Narcissistic Source of Supply. He is always present, he admires the narcissist, he witnesses the narcissist’s moments of triumph and grandeur.
Owing to his wish to be loved he can be extorted into constant giving. To the narcissist, a child is a dream come true, but only in the most egotistical sense. When the child is perceived as “reneging” on his main obligation (to provide his narcissistic parent with a constant supply of attention) – the parent’s emotional reaction is harsh and revealing.
It is when the narcissistic parent is disenchanted with his child that we see the true nature of this pathological relationship. The child is totally objectified. The narcissist reacts to a breach in this unwritten contract with wells of aggression and aggressive transformations: contempt, rage, emotional and psychological abuse, and even physical violence. He tries to annihilate the real “disobedient” child and substitute it with the subservient, edifying, former version.
Is there a “typical” relationship between the narcissist and his family?
Answer:
We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception.
The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity: humans are either Sources of Narcissistic Supply (and, then, idealised and over-valued) or do not fulfil this function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions.
He does not require – nor does he seek – his parents’ or his siblings’ love, or to be loved by his children. He casts them as the audience in the theatre of his inflated grandiosity. He wishes to impress them, shock them, threaten them, infuse them with awe, inspire them, attract their attention, subjugate them, or manipulate them.
He emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He acts the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. He stuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, or physical capacities and achievements, or behaviour patterns appreciated by the members of the family. When confronted with (younger) siblings or with his own children, the narcissist is likely to go through three phases:
At first, he perceives his offspring or siblings as a threat to his Narcissistic Supply, such as the attention of his spouse, or mother, as the case may be. They intrude on his turf and invade the Pathological Narcissistic Space. The narcissist does his best to belittle them, hurt (even physically) and humiliate them and then, when these reactions prove ineffective or counter productive, he retreats into an imaginary world of omnipotence. A period of emotional absence and detachment ensues.
His aggression having failed to elicit Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist proceeds to indulge himself in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the Lost Paradise Syndrome). The narcissist reacts this way to the birth of his children or to the introduction of new foci of attention to the family cell (even to a new pet!).
Whoever the narcissist perceives to be in competition for scarce Narcissistic Supply is relegated to the role of the enemy. Where the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament is illegitimate or impossible – the narcissist prefers to stay away. Rather than attack his offspring or siblings, he sometimes immediately disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and uninterested, or directs transformed anger at his mate or at his parents (the more “legitimate” targets).
Other narcissists see the opportunity in the “mishap”. They seek to manipulate their parents (or their mate) by “taking over” the newcomer. Such narcissists monopolise their siblings or their newborn children. This way, indirectly, they benefit from the attention directed at the infants. The sibling or offspring become vicarious sources of Narcissistic Supply and proxies for the narcissist.
An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother (“What an outstanding father/brother he is”). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby’s/sibling’s achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.
As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur.
It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse – up to and including outright incest – is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself.
Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is “assimilated” and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. He actually masturbates with other people’s bodies.
Minors pose little danger of criticizing the narcissist or confronting him. They are perfect, malleable and abundant sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist derives gratification from having coital relations with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced and dependent “bodies”.
These roles – allocated to them explicitly and demandingly or implicitly and perniciously by the narcissist – are best fulfilled by ones whose mind is not yet fully formed and independent. The older the siblings or offspring, the more they become critical, even judgemental, of the narcissist. They are better able to put into context and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his moves.
As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the mindless pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what he has done to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance. They can gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which, usually, lag far behind the claims that he makes.
This brings the narcissist a full cycle back to the first phase. Again, he perceives his siblings or sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and devaluing. He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and cold, rejects any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the preciousness and scarceness of his time.
He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes himself to have been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.
He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or by intentionally sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly critical, aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and so on). Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in conspiracy theories with clear paranoid hues.
To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek to belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him, or stymie his growth. The narcissist usually finally gets what he wants and the family that he has created disintegrates to his great sorrow (due to the loss of the Narcissistic Space) – but also to his great relief and surprise (how could they have let go someone as unique as he?).
This is the cycle: the narcissist feels threatened by arrival of new family members – he tries to assimilate or annex of siblings or offspring – he obtains Narcissistic Supply from them – he overvalues and idealizes these newfound sources – as sources grow older and independent, they adopt anti narcissistic behaviours – the narcissist devalues them – the narcissist feels stifled and trapped – the narcissist becomes paranoid – the narcissist rebels and the family disintegrates.
This cycle characterises not only the family life of the narcissist. It is to be found in other realms of his life (his career, for instance). At work, the narcissist, initially, feels threatened (no one knows him, he is a nobody). Then, he develops a circle of admirers, cronies and friends which he “nurtures and cultivates” in order to obtain Narcissistic Supply from them. He overvalues them (to him, they are the brightest, the most loyal, with the biggest chances to climb the corporate ladder and other superlatives).
But following some anti-narcissistic behaviours on their part (a critical remark, a disagreement, a refusal, however polite) – the narcissist devalues all these previously idealized individuals. Now that they have dared oppose him – they are judged by him to be stupid, cowardly, lacking in ambition, skills and talents, common (the worst expletive in the narcissist’s vocabulary), with an unspectacular career ahead of them.
The narcissist feels that he is misallocating his scarce and invaluable resources (for instance, his time). He feels besieged and suffocated. He rebels and erupts in a serious of self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours, which lead to the disintegration of his life.
Doomed to build and ruin, attach and detach, appreciate and depreciate, the narcissist is predictable in his “death wish”. What sets him apart from other suicidal types is that his wish is granted to him in small, tormenting doses throughout his anguished life.
Appendix – Custody and Visitation
A parent diagnosed with full-fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) should be denied custody and be granted only restricted rights of visitation under supervision.
Narcissists accord the same treatment to children and adults. They regard both as sources of narcissistic supply, mere instruments of gratification – idealize them at first and then devalue them in favour of alternative, safer and more subservient, sources. Such treatment is traumatic and can have long-lasting emotional effects.
The narcissist’s inability to acknowledge and abide by the personal boundaries set by others puts the child at heightened risk of abuse – verbal, emotional, physical, and, often, sexual. His possessiveness and panoply of indiscriminate negative emotions – transformations of aggression, such as rage and envy – hinder his ability to act as a “good enough” parent. His propensities for reckless behaviour, substance abuse, and sexual deviance endanger the child’s welfare, or even his or her life.