I met Laurie Landis in the Kerry House on Saint Patty’s Day 1985. Michael and Bruce’s son had just left my apartment, and I was alone. I walked to the closest bar near my house. No sooner did my eyes adjust to the dim light, then I am rubbing against a woman who knows how to drink. She has a handsome face. She has Sex Kitten written all over her, a look I would later learn came from slithering down a brass pole.
Laurie spotted my blues eyes and is coming in for a second look. Her bright greens are sparkling with sexual madness because there was a lot of that going around in those days. She wants to play with me – badly. We exchanged just a few words and she has me by the scruff of my neck while she sends her tongue in to do some deep exploration. I am game. And the Night Hunt that had just begun for both of, is over – so soon! We scored!
I downed the whiskey chaser I ordered and we were out the door. We’re done screwing around with those leprechauns. But, for Laurie’s eyes, we weren’t wearing any green because we’re pros.
“We need no stinken four-leaf clovers!”
Getting naked on arrival, I took Laurie by her ankles and turned her over. instinctively she raised her beautiful ass. My tongue explored her anal cavity, and she was all mine as she whispered;
“How did he know? How, did, he know?”
I was fuel for her fire for the next three years. She burned me everyday. Our love-making was other worldly. I was in love with a pro. She made sure there was never a dull moment. She owned langere’.
When we went to Santa Cruz to rent a room and celebrate her birthday, she tried to jump out of the car while it was moving because I wouldn’t let her drink with these street kids standing on the corner. A cop pulled up behind us as I struggled to get Laurie’s hand off the steering wheel. She tried to pull the car to the curb – where cars were parked.
I could never say no to Laurie. The police tried, and she got in their face.
“Hey! Hey! Today’s my birthday! You can’t arrest my boyfriend. I need him to pleasure me. So, buzz off!”
Like I said, I love Aries women. I want to be reborn on a planet with nothing but Aries folks. I want to see how it goes – when everyone get’s their fucking way!
While in jail, Laurie seduced a young college student who did not want to be seduced, but, no one says no to an Aries, and she was soon into it. What the fuck else was there to do, but feel bad. This felt good, and made time fly. Aries logic is pure genius. I had met a Master Headinist.
When we got sprung, and were back in the car, Laurie asked me if I had my fun last night in – my cell! Before I could give her a dirty look, she is beaming ear to ear as she let me have it;
“I did! We kissed for two hours.”
“Who did you kiss!” I asked, having taken the wicked hook.
“Not you, that’s for sure!” and she let out her carnie dame laugh.
When we both got sober, she said this to me.
“You had sucker written all over you.”
She had to let me know, at the end of the 123rd. inning, when it was alas over, I wasn’t even in her league. Women are crazy. Why don’t they come clean? They never take their gloves off.
Laurie was twenty-eight when we met, and I was thirty-nine. She was sexually abused by her stepfather. When she and her boyfriend went on a road trip, and were driving through Louisiana, they got pulled over. Her boyfriend was sentenced to three years for an ounce of weed. Laurie did not forsake him. She loved him, and found a pimp to put her out. She was sixteen. When he learned her true age, he got her a job as stripper at Big Daddy’s on Bourbon Street. Laurie swung on that famous swing and made cat calls to the folks below. She tore up all the parties she could find. Everyone loved her, including her pimp, who bought her a big diamond ring.
“My pimp bought me this ring!” she said with pride.
“Youre lying.”
It was the last time I called Laurie a liar. She ripped me up. Fucked my brains out. On her days off we would get a shit-load of beer, lock the door, and have at it.
Most of the time our love-making, and drinking was a religious experience. We would reach a point where we were in a white light. I had found the high priestess of sex. Sex was her realm. She had a map. She had credentials. Her striptease monocure was ‘Bubble Butts’.
Sometimes I would lie on the bed with my arms out, my head on her stomach.
“You are crucifying me! My mortal soul is hanging by a thread. I will never be the same after you. We cant do this anymore. Something strange is going to happen to us.”
There was no one but I and Laurie in the world. How strange. Where did they all go? Other people existed, but they had nothing to do with us. We lost all contact with them. We were naughty beyond comprehension. Laurie’s sister and mother began to worry. She spoke to them. We even had them over for dinner once or twice. But, we couldn’t wait to close the door on them so we could tear each other up some more. We were sex fiends. We couldn’t get enough of each other.
We did Brando and Stella. We sweated our hearts out, and got rained on. We tore our clothes off. We tore each other’s clothes off. Who would believe two people could create so much drama.
Many times our love-making produced a river of tears. When we came to her betrayals, we fucked our way through them. She would bring women home from the bar for me to sleep with so she would have the goods on me, but, they were not attractive. In fact, most of them were dikes who would put up with me just get in Laurie’s pants. These were cute gestures. Tokens of love. At bars, she pointed out dudes I should get to know more intimately. She just wanted to watch, but, I wasn’t game.
Now Laurie to began torture me for her sins. Sitting cross-legged before the sterio, she put on the hit single ‘I’m never go to dance again’ a.k.a. ‘Careless Whisper’
When these word’s were sung “Guilty feet have no rhythm” it was on, the Dance Marathon of the Guilty Feet. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, Laurie picked up the arm of the record player, and the tears flowed, and flowed, and flowed, as she tried to set the needle down at the beginning – one more time.
“Screee! Never! Scratch! Again! Scruuuutch!
“Alright already! I forgive you. Now – knock it off! You’re driving me nuts with that song!”
“You’ll never forgive me – you bastard! NEVER!
“I DO! I DO FORGIVE YOU!”
“See! You hate me! Now, leave me alone. You are so cruel! Stop torturing me!
Aries folks don’t handle guilt and shame very well, not like us Libras with our Scale of Justice. Yeah! Right!
“(Now that you’re gone) Now that you’re gone
(Now that you’re gone) What I did’s so wrong
That you had to leave me alone”
Alas, as the first light of dawn appeared in the east, and one could hear the birds cheep in the beautiful silence, and, when she was fully convinced there was a chance I would alas forgive her, she stood at the foot of our bed, then launched her great – I Forgive You Fuck!
We were full-blown alcoholic in deep trouble, all alone in a deep forest. We never bought enough cases of beer. We had the money, but, every time we went to buy alcohol, we lied to ourselves, and then we lied to each other.
“Do you think we have enough?”
“I think we have way more than enough. Let’s put a couple of cases back.”
Come 1:57 A.M. our seller would look for our car to come screeching into the parking lot.
Laurie’s ring was the real deal. She had real Bling Bling. She earned it. All this other shit you see on other people is a lot of Bullshit Bullshit!
When Laurie married her eighty year old millionaire boyfriend, and drove him around town in his Rolls Royce, my ex-lover was at the top of the Bling Bling food-chain. And look at the bling bling in that Big Daddy’s neon sign.
“I worked there! I had me a good ol time!”
Good for you, Laurie! Good for you! But, stay sober!
That’s Laurie with Brian Purvis the infamous kidnapper of Rena Easton. What is that look he is giving my lover. He looks afraid, because I went to the Purvis boys for some advice.
“She has no morals. We are committing every degenerate sex act under the sun. you got to help. You got to save me!”
All I got from the Purvis boys, was the look, that said;
“And…..you got a problem?”
I know what Bryan is seeing. Laurie has real soul, something he will never have.
She was not a fake. This is why I still love her.
That’s me ‘The Ashamed One’ hiding behind my Foster Grants.
You see, Laurie at sixteen, lay on her back and let strangers have their way with her, because she needed more money for the attorney she hired to get her boyfriend out of a very dangerous prison where he suffered greatly. Her legal efforts, failed, and I…….could not forgive her for cheating on me!!!
Laurie was twice the human-being I was. I have not been with, nor lived with, or loved another woman – hence! I got sober in 1987. I have twenty-six years of sobriety. My daughter thinks I got sober so I could look down my nose on drinkers, like herself and her lover who has a bar in their home. She thinks I got religion so I can feel I am superior to those who love a beer now and then.
I haven’t talked to my daughter or grandson in two years.
Now, here’s a righteous question for all you folks out there who think they got their Judging down pat. Do you think Laurie’s boyfriend found out how Laurie was paying for his attorney? Did he ask, and she confessed? Or, did he hear it from the grapevine, a whispering prisoner giving him the skinny?
“Hey Dude, your old lady is a whore!”
Did he forgive her? Or, did he turn his back on her and leave her utterly alone in Sin City, she nothing but a tramp on the streets with no one to run to.
“I’m never going to dance again!”
I have heard Laurie cry from a very far away and utterly desolate place. It broke your heart to hear her. There are truly tragic people in this world. We seem to have a knack for finding one another.
Laurie’s mother grew up with Bruce Springsteen’ mother, thus, Laurie got a backstage pass.
Jon Presco
Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
There’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you’ll find
Should’ve known better
I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind the silver screen
And all its sad good-byes
I’m never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know your not a fool
Should’ve known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you’ll find
I’m never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know your not a fool
Should’ve known better than to cheat a friend
And waste this chance that I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Never without your love
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it’s better this way
We’d hurt each other with the things we’d want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But no one’s gonna dance with me
Please stay
And I’m never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know your not a fool
Should’ve known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
(Now that you’re gone) Now that you’re gone
(Now that you’re gone) What I did’s so wrong
That you had to leave me alone
In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
Its a death trap, it’s a suicide rap
We gotta get out while were young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run
Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real
Beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist
I wanna die with you wendy on the streets tonight
In an everlasting kiss
The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybodys out on the run tonight but there’s no place left to hide
Together wendy well live with the sadness
Ill love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don’t know when were gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go and well walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to run
Rosamond Press 
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